June 24, 2004
Mostly it's because, except for the specific item involved, I've had the indentical conversation with friends on numerous occasions. Substitute "Pop Rocks" or "Bottle Caps", and it could easily be a discussion on an American web site.
It occurred to me later that this sort of conversation is a hallmark of civilized nations. In the Anglosphere, our childhood flashbacks involve favorite candies or beloved cartoons. But I imagine that, in Iraq or Afghanistan, when adults think back on their youth, they remember when men with guns came in the night to take daddy away.
One of the reasons we're in Iraq is to change that, and it's already starting. The Iraqi children of today will, years hence, remember the frisbees and teddy bears and M&M's that some nice American in a uniform handed them. I dearly hope that when these kids grow up, the saddest thing their children will ever have to face is that Nestle stopped making their favorite candy bar.
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10:31 PM
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Of the two, I like my dog tags more. The ribbons I mostly got for being at a particular place at a particular time. Since I was on the ship anyway, it didn't really seem like they represented a personal accomplishment.
The dog tags are another story. I EARNED those by surviving boot camp.
Most civilians, I imagine, get their impression of boot camp from movies such as "An Officer and a Gentleman" or "Stripes" or "Full Metal Jacket". For the most part, those are somewhat accurate. Boot camp frequently involves older men cursing at younger men while "encouraging" them to... shall we say, "exercise vigorously".
But it's not as horrifying of an experience as you might gather from seeing it on the screen. You see, the recruits understand that these "exercises" are for a PURPOSE. The Drill Instructors intend to instill discipline, physical strength, and the mental capacity to push yourself beyond what you normally believe to be the limits or your endurance. It's a GOOD thing, and it's understood by all involved (at least on some level, although more in retrospect than at the time by the aching, exhausted recruits) to BE a good thing.
Yet there exists the possibility for the situation to spin horribly out of control. Rarely - VERY rarely - a Drill Instructor may step outside the bounds of discipline into the realm of cruelty. Training may turn to sadism when conducted by the wrong man.
J. of Quibbles & Bits relates such an incident from his time in Marine Corps Basic Training, and he uses this experience to make an interesting point about the Abu Ghraib excesses and what it really tells us about the military. It's a fairly short piece, but that detracts not at all from the point he makes. Go read.
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10:24 PM
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It should come as no surprise, then, that I don't like "impressionistic art". That French garbage made up of blurry dots and swirls that almost resembles something if you're standing far enough away from it.
However, Johnny-Oh of Closet Extremist has created something that I like, even though it's quite spotty & dotty. You see, Johnny-Oh is legally blind, and can't see squat without his glasses. What he's created is a fairly realistic representation of how he'd see a sunset with his naked eyes.
I'm no expert, but I do think he's got a good flair for color and shading. The work displays some degree of talent. And the fact that it's simultaneously impressionistic and realistic makes my head spin a little, sort of like that feeling you get when looking at an optical illusion. Take a peek, and you'll see what I mean.
It also makes me grateful to have vision that's never been worse than 20/70 uncorrected.
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10:18 PM
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I LOVE stick figure humor.
Not sure why. Maybe it's that, being so minimal, the point of the illustration is hard to misunderstand, because there are no details to distract or confuse you.
Or maybe I'm a sick, demented gibbon of a man.
Either way, Frank J. of IMAO posted the illustraded stick-figure guide to how his space-based terrorist-kill'n laser works.
Set down your drinks & go.
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06:19 AM
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Well, here's a shocker. It's an Islamic one.
And be sure to check out the lively debate in the comments.
Although the post itself is work-safe, the stuff in ErosBlog's sidebars isn't, so use some discretion before clicking the link.
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12:09 AM
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June 23, 2004
Precision Guided Humor Round-up: Reagan's War on Terror (only 3 entries besides mine, but they are some PRIMO material).
New PGH: Air America's Excuses
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10:28 PM
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Of all the memories we've shared... none are as wondrous as the ones we're making together today.
(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)
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10:21 PM
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Treasury printer operator famous last words:
Well, I got most of the serial number on there, that's good enough. What're they gonna do about it? Fire me? HA! I'm union!
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10:16 PM
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I didn't vote for W., but after 9/11, I'm glad he won. I tremble in horror to consider the alternative. But while I'm thinking of things that didn't happen, how about how the War on Terror would go down if the 1980 version of Ronald Reagan would've been elected in 2000? We might have seen things like:
No Abu Ghraib scandal - you can't humiliate a dead terrorist
But if some of them actually lived, they would be humiliated by being dressed in harem-girl costumes and forced to do the "dance of 1000 jelly beans"
When asked to apologize, Reagan would say, "Ok, I'm sorry we let them live long enough to capture them alive. It'll never happen again."
However, being a sensitive kind of guy, Reagan would issue orders that terrorists are only to be killed with "very understanding hails of bullets"
Or "missiles of caring"
Or "napalm of love"
Upon receipt of terrorist threats, Reagan would just chuckle, order an airstrike, and quip, "Well, there you blow up again."
"I've always thought of America as "a shining city on a hill". Now I think of it as "a shining city on a hill that rains well-deserved death down upon murdering terrorist camel-humpers."
"Mr. Chirac - go find your balls!"
"Terrorism isn't the solution to the problem. Terrorism IS the problem. The solution is more dead terrorists."
"[N]o arsenal or no weapon in the arsenals of the world is so formidable as the will and moral courage of free men and women. Of course the arsenals of the US Armed Forces run a close second, and unless you terrorists lay down your arms and take up knitting, you're gonna get a whole LOT of formidable right up your ass!"
"It is the Soviet Union that runs against the tide of history.... [It is] the march of freedom and democracy which will leave Marxism- Leninism on the ash heap of history as it has left other tyrannies which stifle the freedom and muzzle the self-expression of the people. And speaking of ash heaps, that's about all that's gonna be left of you terrorist bastards!"
"History teaches that wars begin when governments believe the price of aggression is cheap. History also teaches that wars end when all the goat-molesting piece-of-shit terrorists are dead. Stand by for a pop quiz, you Islamist assgremlins!"
"[G]overnment's view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it. My view of terrorists is equally brief: If it moves, bomb it. If it keeps moving, shoot it. And if it stops moving, empty the clip into it, just to be sure".
"The nine most terrifying words in the English language are: 'I'm from the government and I'm here to help.'". The eight most terrifying are "I'm a Marine, and you're a dead terrorist."
"Recession is when your neighbor loses his job. Depression is when you lose yours. And recovery is when Jimmy Carter loses his. And victory is when the rivers of Iraq run red with the blood of terrorists."
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08:09 PM
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Another instance: One of our female cashiers is "talking at" me while I am in the process of unpacking freight and getting it on the shelves. She's yammering on about how much of an asshole this other employee is, blah blah blah. I just looked over at her and said "I don't have time for this "romper room" bullshit."These are two good examples of me saying something that needed to be said, but two years ago, I would have kept them in my head. Now they're just tumbling out unabated.
I think this might actually be a side effect from blogging. After I started Bad Money last year, I noticed a distinct fuse-shortening effect. In my case, I suspect that, after years of trying to be a "get-along" kind of guy, I'm now forming my opinions and stating them online in no uncertain terms, fearlessly and habitually challenging bullshit wherever I see it. This has crossed over noticably to the face-to-face world, too.
The other part was that, before blogging, all I had was my idiot co-workers. I figured this crowd of 60-watt bulbs was all I was ever going to get. I got used to the lame wits & the dull conversations.
Then came blogging - smart & witty people everywhere! I'm talking with them, joking around, scoring creative zingers off someone's unintentional set-up. The playing is just so much FUN!
Meanwhile, conversations back in work-world are still along the lines of: "Yah... raining today... wish the sun would come out."
Before blogging, my response would be: "Yah... sun is good."
After: "Gee, thanks for the weather report, Al Roker. Good thing I've got you around, since I never been able to guess it was raining from the sheets of water pouring down from the pitch black sky!"
Blogger-wit is like 25-year old scotch.
Worker-wit is like warm, flat Budweiser.
So, yeah, I can see why you'd be irritable. Just try not to take it out on the customers (bosses don't like that - or *ahem* so I've been told ;-)
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10:47 AM
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Thomas Nelson Gunderloy was born at 11:53AM yesterday morning [June 21st]. Hallelujah!! He weighed 8 pounds 15 ounces, and is 21 inches long.
By which I mean that Dana of Note-It Posts had her baby on Monday. Go see her for baby pictures & baby stories & other baby what-nots.
Hmmm... judging by the wool hat, I'm guessing he's going to grow up to be one of those annoying white-boy gansta-rappers.
Yo-yo-yo Baby TNG in da hizzouse!
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07:43 AM
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However, I suppose I should get a few last items off my chest before I completely cut the cord. I found this at Matty O'Blackfive's site, and I'm stealing it whole so that I'll still have it if he ever pulls a Rachel Lucas (or a Charles Whitman, which could very well happen should there ever be a beer shortage in Chicago).
For good and ill, the Iraqi prisoner abuse mess will remain an issue. On the one hand, right thinking Americans will abhor the stupidity of the actions while on the other hand, political glee will take control and fashion this minor event into some modern day My Lai massacre.I heard some Arabs and Muslims are asking for an apology. I humbly offer mine here:
I am sorry that the last seven times we Americans took up arms and sacrificed the blood of our youth, it was in the defense of Muslims (Bosnia, Kosovo, Gulf War 1, Kuwait, etc.).
I am sorry that no such call for an apology upon the extremists came after 9/11. I am sorry that all of the murderers on 9/11 were Islamic Arabs.
I am sorry that most Arabs and Muslims have to live in squalor under savage dictatorships.
I am sorry that their leaders squander their wealth.
I am sorry that their governments breed hate for the US in their religious schools, mosques, and government-controlled media.
I am sorry that Yasir Arafat was kicked out of every Arab country and highjacked the Palestinian "cause".
I am sorry that no other Arab country will take in or offer more than a token amount of financial help to those same Palestinians.
I am sorry that the USA has to step in and be the biggest financial supporter of poverty stricken Arabs while the insanely wealthy Arabs blame the USA for all their problems.
I am sorry that our own left wing elite, our media, and our own brainwashed (from elements of our society like radical professors, CNN and the NY TIMES) masses do not understand any of this.
I am sorry the United Nations scammed the poor people of Iraq out of the "food for oil" money so they could get rich while the common folk suffered.
I am sorry that some Arab governments pay the families of homicide bombers upon their death.
I am sorry that those same bombers are brainwashed thinking they will receive 72 virgins in "paradise."
I am sorry that the homicide bombers think pregnant women, babies, children, the elderly and other non-combatant civilians are legitimate targets.
I am sorry that our troops die to free more Arabs from the gang rape rooms and the filling of mass graves of dissidents of their own making.
I am sorry that Muslim extremists have killed more Arabs than any other group.
I am sorry that foreign trained terrorists are trying to seize control of Iraq and return it to a terrorist state.
I am sorry we don't drop a few dozen Daisy cutters on Fallujah.
I am sorry every time terrorists hide they find a convenient "Holy Site".
I am sorry they didn't apologize for driving a jet into the World Trade Center that collapsed and severely damaged Saint Nicholas Greek Orthodox Church - one of our Holy Sites.
I am sorry they didn't apologize for flight 93 and 175, the USS Cole, the embassy bombings, the murders and beheadings of Nick Berg and Daniel Pearl, etc....etc!
I am sorry Michael Moore is American; he could feed a medium sized village in Africa.
America will get past this latest absurdity. We will punish those responsible because that is what we do. We hang out our dirty laundry for all the world to see. We move on. That's one of the reasons we are hated so much. We don't hide this stuff like all those Arab countries that are now demanding an apology.
Deep down inside, when most Americans saw this reported in the news, we were like - so what? We lost hundreds and made fun of a few prisoners.
Sure, it was wrong, sure, it dramatically hurts our cause, but until captured we were trying to kill these same prisoners. Now we're supposed to wring our hands because a few were humiliated? Our compassion is tempered with the vivid memories of our own people killed, mutilated and burnt amongst a joyous crowd of celebrating Fallujans.
If you want an apology from this American, you're going to have a long wait. You have a better chance of finding those 72 virgins.
He's got a link to the original version, but, I'm not in sync with some of the punchlines. The version shown above is something I would actually say.
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07:11 AM
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Can you get all 9?
I couldn't, but I have the feeling that I'll kick my own ass when he posts an answer key, 'cuz even the ones I don't know for sure looked at least vaguely familiar.
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12:21 AM
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June 22, 2004
Love is sitting together in the middle of a bench when there is plenty of room on either side.
(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)
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11:03 PM
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[Revolt for the legalization of marijuana you alcohol guzzling, tobacco smoking hypocrites who do more harm over stupid jock ball in one day than pot can in a hundred years!! Freedom of choice? Where?]
However, before the revolution got underway, the conspirators were randomly distracted by a Pink Floyd CD and a bag of Oreo cookies.
Posted by: Harvey at
10:58 PM
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Answer the following questions "yes" or "no":
1) Do you pay for the goddamn date, no matter what the woman insists?
2) When you have a flat tire, break-in into your home, or a natural disaster, do you just fucking deal with it?
3) Do you eat red meat?
4) Do you often kill it yourself?
5) Do you live your life as you see fit without worrying about whether you'll live to be 90?
6) Do you use fewer hair and skin products than a woman?
7) Do you avoid dressing in clothes from Hot Topic and other trendy fashion stores?
Do you know how to kill animals if need be?
9) Do you know how to kill people if need be
10) Do you avoid watching shows with "Queer" in the title?
11) Do you refuse to let neighbors fuck up your house on national TV?
12) Do you refuse to give up excessive amounts of manliness in your quest for poontang?
13) Do you avoid seeking professional help for anything less serious than drug/alcohol addiction, death of your entire family in a freak tree-chipper accident, or favorite sports team being moved to a different city?
14) Do you have at least one outfit in your wardrobe designed to conceal yourself from prey?
15) Do you know how to tie a Windsor knot when wearing a tie?
16) When you bond with other guys, do you usually sit around a campfire and drink heavily while doing so?
17) Do you have at least one good wound you can brag about getting?
1
Do you own at least a basic set of tools (hammer, drill, saw, wrenches, pliers, screwdrivers)?
19) Do you know how to use them all?
20) Do you use your asshole strictly as an exit ramp on the road of life, and refuse to let a woman treat it otherwise, despite what she may have read in Cosmo about "fun uses for fingers"?
21) Do you register at least a token protest before agreeing to buy feminine hygiene products?
22) Do you give your seat to a lady on the bus/subway/etc.?
23) Do you avoid fruit-flavored drinks when ordering at the bar?
24) Do you know that a gun is a tool, and that owning one is not a sign that you are riddled with fear or have a small penis?
25) Do you possess considerable massage and cunnilingus skills?
SCORING:
Give yourself one point for every "yes" answer
21-25: True Retrosexual - The code of honor, decency, and reliability you have adopted will serve you well throughout your life, even though it will probably be cut short by a heart attack at age 45. Men of your caliber: George Patton, John Wayne.
16-20: Retrosexual-In-Training - You're still pretty manly, but you've got some definite wussiness issues that need addressing. You'll probably be ok if you just drink more whiskey and shoot a few things. Men of your caliber: George W. Bush, Charleton Heston.
11-15: Wuss - Take the umbrella out of your drink and the finger out of your asshole, and there may be hope for you someday. Men of your caliber: John Kerry, Jacques Chirac.
10 or below: Hopeless Girly-Man - You might as well get implants and hormone injections, because your Y chromosome obviously isn't doing you any good. "Men" of your caliber: Liberace, Michael Jackson.
Posted by: Harvey at
10:41 PM
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Iraq's deputy prime minister implored the American press to provide more balanced coverage of operations in Iraq [...] "These soldiers are helping renovate schools and so on, and very, very little of that is reported," Salih continued. "We have to be grateful to those young men and women who have come from afar, sacrificing their lives to defend our security and our freedom."
I'm sure CNN will be all over this story. As will NPR, since I recently heard one of their blithering idiots actually say "We [NPR] don't have an agenda" with a straight face.
Ok, a straight voice - it was on the radio - but still, she was serious.
Oh, and don't read that other thing Mike posted. It made me misty at work, and I refuse to reward that with traffic.
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09:39 AM
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June 21, 2004
I dropped a tear in the ocean. Whenever they find it, I will stop loving you.
(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)
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10:58 PM
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Posted by: Harvey at
10:26 PM
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Which is actually par for the course in the blogosphere. A complaint here, a whiny moan there... of course a lot of it is done with style, grace, wit, and humor, so all that unhappiness is a good thing, in a perverse sort of way.
A few days ago, though, I saw something I've never seen before. A happy post about a good day where everything went right. Tammi of Roadwarrior Rules for Survival dragged out her cat-o-nine-tails and gave Murphy a karmic flogging he won't soon forget.
Take a peek. If it doesn't make you feel at least a little contact joy off it, you're probably either unconscious or worried about that ride home from the bar you're taking with Ted Kennedy later.
Posted by: Harvey at
09:14 PM
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