(A Precision Guided Humor Assignment cross-posted from IMAO)

Since demanding to speak with President Bush is the hip and trendy thing to do these days, I decided to follow Cindy Sheehan's lead and demand to speak with the President, too, because I want to know:

Who's REALLY sitting in the prison cell in Iraq?

Is it Saddam Hussein?

Or is it actually best selling author Leo Buscaglia, presumably deceased since 1998?

Mr. President, I think the American people deserve to know the truth. All those lies you keep telling us... Please...

Stop.

In the name of Love.

Posted by: Harvey at 09:36 PM | Comments (6) | Add Comment
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(A Precision Guided Humor Assignment cross-posted from IMAO)

Recently Jeanine Pirro announced her intention to run for Hillary Clinton's Senate seat in 2006. As a patriotic American, I feel it's my duty to support her by offering the following suggestions for campaign slogans:

"Pirro 2006: Won't disgrace herself by showing slide shows of her family reunion set to the tune of 'Dueling Banjos'" (moderately work safe, but hard to justify - via BoingBoing)

"Pirro 2006: She won't dance around the issues."

"Pirro 2006: Never lost a billing record."

"Pirro 2006: Leaving cattle futures to the cowboys."

"Pirro 2006: Her other car ISN'T a broom."

"Pirro 2006: Because sometimes it's just WRONG to wear a bikini"

(click to enlarge)

"Pirro 2006: She can stay awake for an entire State of the Union Address."

(click to enlarge)

"Pirro 2006: Because as far as we know, this is the only thing Hillary stands for."

Posted by: Harvey at 10:40 AM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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(A Precision Guided Humor Assignment)

My blogless niece Sarah was snooping around my blog recently, saw this week's PGH:

What scandals about themselves are the Mainstream Media trying to keep quiet?

and discovered the answer:

Either ABC killed Peter Jennings, or Osama and Phillip Morris killed Peter Jennings.

Is Barbara Walters next??????

Time will tell

Last I heard ABC owned the patent on cancer.

You heard it here first, folks.

PS Methinks someone needs a blog...

Posted by: Harvey at 06:56 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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(A Precision Guided Humor Assignment cross-posted and slightly modified from IMAO)

Recently a U.N. panel was created to recommend how the Internet should be run in the future. Here are some excerpts from the report:

All internet sites will be approved by the international community, i.e. France, and any site without the official "cheese and beret" seal of approval will have resolutions passed against it.

The United States will enforce these resolutions on behalf of the UN in the face of international disapproval and ingratitude. If successful, must give full credit to France.

Any rapidly propagating viruses that slow down overall internet traffic speed will be blamed on the JOOOOOOOS!

All information posted to the internet will first be fact-checked by the Daily Kos Ministry of Truth.

The following phrases will be banned: "love notes", "graffiti currency", "blog family", "boobies".

What grudge against Bad Example?

Google will change the "Google Search" button on its home page to say "I [heart] the UN"

The "I'm Feeling Lucky" button will become "Oil For Food was a Legitimate Program that Saved Millions of Children from Cruel Starvation due to Unnecessary US Sanctions and NOT a Money Laundering Scheme Designed to Line the Pockets of Corrupt UN Bureaucrats".

All "adult content" web sites will cover naughty bits with little pictures of blue helmets.

All "adult content" sites will be thoroughly reviewed for compliance.

Until the US buys high-speed wireless internet access for all of Africa, everyone gets AOL and dial-up.

Except for those engaged in official UN compliance reviews.

All PayPal transactions must receive approval from Dr. Mbeki Salingo of Nigeria.

All bloggers will display the flags of every nation across the top of their home pages. Violators will be resolutioned.

No bushy moustaches. They frighten us.

And for you power-hungry one-worlders, just three words:

Posted by: Harvey at 03:36 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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