December 30, 2005
Rummy says that the US plans on pulling 7000 combat troops out of Iraq in 2006. Mostly because Iraqi security forces will be trained up enough to do most of the terrorist-shootin' themselves by that time. Hard to believe it's taking them this long to improve their marksmanship, but apparently Iraqis have worse aim than Ted Kennedy approaching a bridge, so we just have to make do with what we've got.
Meanwhile, we'll have 7000 troops with nothing to kill, so we'll need to find something else for them to do until Iran mouths off one time too many.
Here are my suggestions:
* Send them to rescue those seven stranded castaways. It's been 41 years already. Let's bring 'em home.
* Rub salve on Frank J's rash.
* Invade France - one can hold the gun while the other 6999 collect white flags from all the trembling surrender monkeys.
* Since Democrats are all pissed off about wiretapping terrorists, we'll just have the soldiers stand next to the terrorists and eavesdrop, instead.
* Use them to re-connect that loose wire on your computer's motherboard.
* No, wait... that's solders. Nevermind.
* After the '06 elections, the DNC is gonna need some logistical support to deliver their extra supplies of special "weeping hankies".
* Have them walk around New York City and gut-punch every lazy, overpaid Transport Workers Union bastard that went on strike.
* Rebuild the levees in New Orleans.
* Preferably with the bodies of the lazy, overpaid Transport Workers Union bastards that went on strike.
* Get 'em all likkered up & suggest that it might be fun to try pushing the UN Building into the East River... "it'll be sorta like cow tipping!"
* Give them each a pointy stick and have them poke at Howard Dean to see if they can get him to make that funny sound again.
* Give them a Holocaust Cloak and a wheelbarrow and have them storm the castle.
Or maybe we could just buy 'em a beer & send 'em home to spend time with their families.
AFTER they finish with Howard Dean.
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December 26, 2005
Showing less self-control than a Democratic Underground troll hopped up on Red Bull and commenting at Free Republic, the President of Iran has recently made foolish statements such as "Israel should be wiped off the map", "the Holocaust never happened", and "developing a nuclear weapons program within flying distance of the Israeli Air Force is perfectly sensible".
To regain his credibility as "sane" in international diplomatic circles, President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad decided to publish a pamphlet of interesting facts about Iran. Even though I can't read the drunken-monkey-fingerpainting that passes for their written language, I'm sure that my translation is at least as accurate as any given CBS news report.
* Iran is a large, Middle Eastern country covering 600,000 square miles of territory just east of Iraq that REALLY needs to get beat up and have its oil stolen.
* Iran was originally settled by a busload of people who got lost on their way to a 7-11 Owners' Convention.
* Iran is ruled by the "Council of Guardians" who strictly enforce the Koran's edicts all across the land. Living in Iran is like the Muslim version of living at Ned Flanders' house.
* I guess that would make the US troops in Iraq like Homer Simpson.
* Mmmm... infidelicious...
* The Iran-Iraq border is still littered with land mines from the Iran-Iraq war. If you need to sneak across the border, bring a Mexican to show you how to do it right.
* Before the founding of the Muslim empire in the region in 700 AD, there used to be two other countries between Iran and Iraq - namely Irao and Irap.
* For 8 years, Iran battled Iraq to a standstill, a feat that the Americans were unable to duplicate for almost an entire day during the Gulf War.
* If something smells like the back end of a camel, it could be the front end of an Iranian.
* Although some people - mostly filthy hippies - say that Iran is no threat to us, I still find it suspicious that their initials stand for Islamic Radicals Aren't Nice.
* Soon to stand for Idiots Receive American Nuking.
* In a battle between Iraq and Aquaman, Aquaman would raise an army of jellyfish and... right... who am I kidding? The Iranians would chop him into lutefisk before he even hit the beach.
* Iran's national symbol is:
I have NO idea... a pole-dancing penguin wearing a Mario moustache, maybe?
Hopefully this information will encourage understanding and dialogue between our two nations, ushering in an era of peace that will last for centuries or until we finish stealing their oil.
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Good one!December 16, 2005
The Patriot Act is coming up for renewal, and although it already contains many helpful tools for assisting law enforcement personnel - like the right to root around in your sock drawer without a warrant to see if you have a copy of "Bouncy Burkha Bondage Babes" magazine (as all terrorists do) - the law is lacking in civilian education programs.
Let's face it. Cops can't be everywhere (unless you're making an illegal U-turn), so it's important that EVERYONE knows how to spot a terrorist. Especially children, since they have keen eyes and big, tattling mouths. That's why I think the Patriot Act should include funding for printing up a fun and colorful - yet instructive - pamphlet to help people practice spotting Islamofascist deviltry.
In the extended entry, you'll find a sample page from "Where's Osama?"... more...
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Cool poster!December 09, 2005
Have you noticed lately that the MSM isn't doing diddly as far as reporting any good news from Iraq?
Me too.
So, given that there IS actually good news to be reported (as the weekly CentCom newsletter so amply demonstrates) I thought I'd share what I knew.
Interspersed - just for fun - with how I imagine your standard Liberal Media terrorist-coddling lapdogs would title the story.
Feel free to play along, if you'd like.
1. Completion of police stations in Babil, Basrah, Erbil, Kirkuk, Ninewa, and Salah ad Din Provinces, and a holding facility in Al Muthanna Province will provide approximately 250,000 people a safer environment and greater security as police operate from these improved facilities.
250,000 THREATENED WITH ARREST AND DETENTION IN IRAQ! WHO WILL BE BUSH'S NEXT VICTIM?
2. The completion of renovations to 12 schools in Baghdad, Basrah, and Al Anbar Provinces will equal a better learning environment and brighter future for over 7,200 Iraqi schoolchildren and 50 teachers.
US PROPAGANDA JUGGERNAUT ROLLS OVER IRAQI CHILDREN!
3. Over 29 km of new roads between Qadisiyah Province and Wassit Province will provide a safer travel route for farming villages to transport their crops to the market and reaching larger towns such as Baghdad.
BUSH FAILURE MAKES IT EASIER FOR ROADSIDE BOMBERS TO STRIKE!
4. 500,000 people annually will benefit from six renovated railroad station in Qadisiyah Province will provide protection from the environment while the passengers wait to board the train and for the stationmaster to schedule freight movements.
BUSH FORCES IRAQIS INTO OVERCROWDED TRAINS: EASY TARGETS FOR TERRORISTS INSURGENTS FREEDOM-FIGHTERS!
5. 150,000 residents between Baghdad, Ninewa, and Wassit Province now enjoy more reliable electricity as their 15 km of electrical power feeder were installed to local distribution substations.
IS BUSH PLANNING NEW "ELECTRIC CHAIR" TORTURE CHAMBER IN IRAQ?
6. 80,000 people between Maysan, Najaf, and Ninewa Provinces now enjoy potable water with the installation of three compact water units and repair of 27 km of water line.
IRAQI WATER MAY CONTAIN DEPLETED URANIUM: BUSH'S NEW PLOT TO POISON IRAQI BABIES!
7. Four border forts in Maysan Province and two border forts in Al Anbar Province will increase the security along the border with Iran and Saudia Arabia, allow for the proper training of the border police, and provide additional logistical support for border patrols.
BUSH'S IRAQI POLICE STATE: THE NEW EAST BERLIN?
8. The completion of a Port of Entry in Ninewa province will expedite the safe passage of thousands of vehicles and persons traveling between Iraq and Syria daily.
FASTER PASSAGE FORTERRORISTS INSURGENTS FREEDOM-FIGHTERS? BUSH SAYS "BRING IT ON"!
9. Fire stations in Al Anbar, Basrah, Diyala, and Kirkuk Provinces will increase fire security for 100,000 residents in local towns and provide an excellent training facility for firefighters.
100,000 IRAQIS LULLED INTO FALSE SENSE OF SECURITY IN SPITE OF MASSIVE FIRE THREAT!
10. Completion of cluster pump station is part of an overall project to restore water injection to pre-war levels. The water injection infrastructure is critical to providing adequate pressure on the oil reservoir in the Rumaylah field and has a direct impact on crude oil production output.
BUSH RAMPS UP THEFT OF IRAQI OIL!
As I suggested in the post title, maybe no news IS good news.
By the way, the CentCom newsletter is free, contains the stories the MSM doesn't bother reporting, and can be delivered to your inbox by clicking this link & leaving your e-mail address.
If you don't sign up, then the MSM terrorists will have won.
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December 02, 2005
Before I dive into the review, a note about Amazon.com. When I first posted the PGH assignment at Alliance HQ on November 24th, I noticed several 1-star reviews of Sheehan's book.
When I returned today, I noticed that all the 1-star reviews prior to November 29th had been removed. ALL of them. Even though 5-star reviews from as far back at Nov 17th are still there.
Anyway, here's a link to the list of reviews, lowest first. Currently there are 5 1-star reviews dated Nov 29 (you have to click the "next" link to get to where the 5th one is listed). If you guys could keep an eye on that and let me know if they start disappearing, I'd appreciate it.
UPDATE: When I started writing this post, there were 6 1-star reviews dated Nov 30. Now there are 5.
Just freakin' CREEPY...
Look, I *really* tried to read Cindy's book before posting this review, but I was too busy buying pants for British soldiers. Nevertheless, I managed to compile a few reviews from other noteworthy Americans, on the assumption that you'll be able to trust their judgment when it comes to choosing your reading material.
What could possibly go wrong?
Martin Sheen - "I love this book! In fact, I even sleep with it. Not in... you know... the Biblical sense... ok, maybe once. But I swear it was consensual!"
Michael Moore - "Great book. I ate a copy with some fava beans and a nice chianti."
Joan Baez - "Best. Book. Ever. I mean, if it weren't for this book, I wouldn't have my picture posted at Amazon.com?
Oh... THAT'S what.
Fine. Let's just cut to the chase. If Cindy's book were a dog, it'd be this one:
Meanwhile, I'll quote you one last Amazon review:
After reading this book everyone should be able to realize how painful it is for a mother to live without her son, how oainful it for a wife to live without husband who is killed in war.
Of course, I'm sure some people don't need a book to realize that...
Not One More Mother's Child, indeed.
UPDATE: more tracking of Amazon's review activities at IMAO and GOP and College.
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