Glenn Reynolds: The Interview

(A Filthy Lie cross-posted from IMAO)

Since Instapundit recently celebrated his 5th blogiversay, I thought it would be a good time to conduct an interview with Glenn Reynolds, so as to separate man from myth with this legendary blogger.

Unfortunately, Glenn had neither the time nor the inclination to answer my questions, so I put a pair of glasses on a teddy bear, sat him on a blankie, queried him at length, and used one of the many voices in my head to supply the answers.

Figured it wouldn't be TOO different from the real thing.

---

HARVEY: Thanks for agreeing to do this. First, I can't help noticing that you use the word "heh" a lot. Now, as the Dark Overlord of the Blogosphere, wouldn't it be better to have a more sinister laugh, like "MUAHAHAHAHAHA!" or something? I mean, "heh" just seems kind of effeminate.

GLENN: Not true. Some of the evilest people in the world use "heh". For example, terrorists frequently say "Allah Akbar!" before blowing up school buses full of kids, which actually means "heh" in whatever monkey-jabber language it is they speak.

HARVEY: Why is your blog named "Instapundit"?

GLENN: Simple linguistics - "insta" means "really fast", "pun" is something that's funny in a pathetic sort of way, and "dit" is the spoken representation of the dot - the shorter of the two signals used in telegraph code. So - short, fast, funny, pathetic... all words women have used to describe my performance. I just sort of combined them.

HARVEY: What blogs do you read regularly?

GLENN: Including Instapundit?

HARVEY: Yes.

GLENN: Just Ann Althouse.

HARVEY: You DON'T read Instapundit?

GLENN: READ it? I don't even proofread it! That blog is just the result of Thunderbird-addled baboons poking randomly at keyboards & hitting the "I'm Feeling Lucky" button on Google. Then I have a mildly retarded parrot add a link to whatever pops up.

HARVEY: So it's a lot like a Kos "Open Thread" post?

GLENN: Yes, but with slightly less frothing Bush-hatred, and better spelling.

HARVEY: What made you decide to go to law school?

GLENN: Daily beatings from my parents.

HARVEY: You were a victim of child abuse?

GLENN: Victim? NO!... the beatings were a reward. I like that sort of thing. Doesn't everybody?

HARVEY: So... when you punched Frank J. that one time...

GLENN: Right. I was telling him to keep up the great blogging work. The boy's got talent. Unlike YOU, who I wouldn't even poke in the eye with a sharp stick.

HARVEY: Are you planning a sequel to your runaway best-seller "An Army of Davids"?

GLENN: Yes, this September, I'll be releasing "An Army of Destructo-bots: How Killer Robots Empower Ordinary Evil Overlords to Beat Any Rag-Tag Army of Misfits Those Pathetic Davids Can Raise". By the way, if you haven't already, you should buy my book. I need money. Those Destructo-bots aren't going to build themselves.

HARVEY: Why should people help you to enslave the human race?

GLENN: If you buy "An Army of Davids", you get a free coupon for a swift and merciful death. Everyone else has to listen to a Glenn & Helen Podcast as the Destructo-bot slowly crushes the life out of their bodies. MUAHAHA... I mean... heh.

HARVEY: Ok... well... that wraps up this interview. I'm gonna go run out and buy me a copy of that "Armada of Duckies" thing so that your shrieky, pteradactyl-like voice isn't the last sound I hear. Thank you for your time, Mr. Reynolds, and keep up the great blogging work.

GLENN: Thanks... um... aren't you going to punch me now?

HARVEY: Sorry. I'm saving it for Frank J.... besides, I wouldn't hit a bear with glasses.

---

So... would YOU have punched the bear?

Posted by: Harvey at 06:25 AM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
Post contains 634 words, total size 4 kb.

More Instapundit - Less Glenn Reynolds?

(A Filthy Lie cross-posted from IMAO)

After returning from his recent vacation, Glenn Reynolds said:

I think the blog actually improves when I go away!

Is that really true? Let's think about it...

---

BETTER WITHOUT GLENN

* Fewer creepy pictures of Glenn showing off his flexibility by licking his own toes.

* Less Ann Althouse material when she's actually guest-blogging.

* No drunken boasting about how he "taught Johnny Cochran his mad rhyming skillz"

* Don't have to see that Michael-Moore-lookin' Porkbusters pig.

* No tiresome WKC vs. AKC smoothies debates.

BETTER WITH GLENN

* If Glenn doesn't leave, we don't have to suffer through that obviously-bought-off-a-website "What I Did On My Vacation" essay when he returns.

* Always have a handy reference if you're not sure how to spell "heh".

* Or "update".

* All you have to do to get an Instalanche is give "Army of Davids" a positive review - and sign your e-mail with your Communist Party membership number.

* When Glenn leaves town, the "Page 3 Girl" pic doesn't always get updated.

---

Well, it's a close call, but I'll say better WITH Glenn.

By the way, Army of Davids is a great book.

82634896

Posted by: Harvey at 07:36 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 211 words, total size 2 kb.

Instapundit Kills Five

(A Filthy Lie cross-posted from IMAO)

Wait... that should read "Instapundit Turns Five", since his 5th blogiversary is coming August 8th.

Oh well. No time for the backspace key. Besides, I'm sure the original title will be accurate eventually.

Meanwhile, I figured I should get the guy a thoughtful gift, so as to curry his favor, allowing me to betray him after he accepts me into his confidence. Knowing how busy Glenn is what with his blogging, podcasting, book-pimping, hobo-murdering, etc., I thought I'd get him "Executive Decision-Making Dice".

Since the traditional gift for a fifth anniversary is wood, and I figure Glenn's too busy to throw TWO dice, I'm going to hand-make him a wooden 12-sider. It's a work in progress, but here's what I've got so far:

(click to enlarge)

If you have any suggestions for the other six sides, let me know.

Posted by: Harvey at 08:50 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 151 words, total size 2 kb.