(A Filthy Lie cross-posted from IMAO)

I was browsing Instapundit recently and noticed that he recently took a trip to a brewery.

Odd... Glenn's into energy drinks, not alcohol...

Then I remembered how popular the Red Bull & Vodka mix is, and it occurred to me that Glenn might be arranging with the Downtown Grill & Brewery to start making some sort of puppy shake & beer hybrid.

Sure enough, I was right. Notice the label on that bottle near the bottom of the picture (circled in red):

(click to enlarge)

Here's a close-up:

(click to enlarge)

If you're out drinking in Knoxville, be sure to enunciate when you order your beer.

Posted by: Harvey at 10:04 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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(A Filthy Lie cross-posted from IMAO)

You may not know this, but before blackmailing his way into a tenured position as a law professor at the University of Tennessee, Glenn Reynolds was head of his own law firm (Reynolds, Duzzy, Cheatham and Howe). Some accomplishments of note during those years include:

* Pioneered the "I'm not wearing a tie at all!" defense, later made famous by Lionel Hutz.

* Pioneered the rhyming defense (later made famous by Johnny Cochran) for the Rodney King beating case: "Because they're white, what they did was all right".

* Discovered flaws in Einstein's Theory of Relativity, thus making the 48-billable-hours day possible.

* Whipped up puppy smoothies during trials so as to make his clients appear comparatively less heinous.

* Installed irritating extra-buzzy flourescent lights at the office. Giggled as the number of workplace shooting incidents skyrocketed.

* Got the Scopes monkey acquitted on appeal.

* Successfully sued himself for sexual harrassment based on several incidents of staring, pointing, and laughing at his wang in the restroom.

* Took malfunctioning office fax machine out into a field and smashed it with a baseball bat as seen in Michael Moore's documentary "Office Space 9/11".

* Improved collection rates on overdue Accounts Receivable by feeding deadbeat clients to carnivorous office plants.

* Improved courtroom win-loss record by doing the same with prosecuting attorneys.

* Stopped filing "frivolous" lawsuits. Started filing "Super Happy Lucky Fun" lawsuits.

* Saved thousands of dollars in contempt-of-court fines by installing covert "witness teleprompters" in his eyeglasses.

* Cut jury-tampering expenses by 91.6% by switching to judge-tampering.

* Won a hefty alimony settlement for Michael Jackson's old nose when it divorced his face.

* Linked to every legal brief ever filed by Ann Althouse.

* Cleared President Bush of slander charges by proving that New York Times reporter Adam Clymer really WAS a major-league a**hole.

Posted by: Harvey at 07:43 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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(A Filthy Lie cross-posted from IMAO)

Like Michelle Malkin, Glenn Reynolds gets his fair share of venomous missives from unbalanced readers.

Unlike Michelle Malkin, surprisingly few of them are crude slurs about being a woman or a minority. Most of it is revolves around a perceived dearth of Instalanching, like this typical example:

"Why won't you link me??? Why don't you answer my e-mails??? After all the cool links I've sent you, you OWE ME!!! I HATE YOU!!! You're a stink-butt poopy-head, that's what you are!!!

Your #1 Fan,
Frank J.

PS You can make it up to me by linking this cool post I did on the Semite menace."

Aside from the "where's my link?" theme, however, the rest of his mail tends to fall into one of the several categories listed below:

Cease & Desist orders from the Precious Moments people regarding his line of "Satanic Moments" figurines - especially that "Hobo, Bloody Hobo", which is particularly nastly.

PeTA (People Eating Tasty Animals) berating Glenn for drinking animals, which is just sick and inhumane.

Long, obscenity-laced screeds from angry mothers who bought Glenn's adult movie "Tramp of the Penguins" by mistake.

The American Nudist Association trying to talk Glenn into joining their "Best of Blogging" organization: "Sleeping Naked Media".

Rejection letters from Fox saying they're STILL not interested in producing his show "So You Think You Can Robot Dance".

University of Tennessee frat boys sending death threats for selling them fake Spanish Fly. Usually containing the line "You said these were spurious. They didn't spur her on at all!".

E-mails addressed to "Professor Reynolds" wanting to know if he ever nailed Ginger while he was stuck on that island.

Or Gilligan.

Usually from Laurence Simon.

Posted by: Harvey at 07:09 AM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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(A Filthy Lie)

IMAO is celebrating its 4th blogiversary this Sunday and I thought this would be a good time to post an insider's perspective.

When they hear that I blog at IMAO, most people say "Oh! How wonderful to work for a man like Frank J., who oozes funny as effortlessly as Michael Moore's belly-rolls ooze sweat!"

Well, the oozing IS great, but there are... other aspects... to the position that are somewhat less glamorous. For example:

* When Frank J. refers to the "IMAO Editorial Board", he's actually talking about the two by four that he beats us with while screaming "WRITE FUNNIER!"

* Once a year, all the team members have to make a pilgrimmage to Florida to pee on his cat's head for luck.

* If you write a post that gets less than 10 comments, he makes you eat a live scorpion while he watches on a webcam.

* About once a month, Frank sends out an e-mail with the subject "I've got a GREAT idea!!!". Also about once a month, the balance in the "IMAO Bail Money Fund" drops to zero.

* When Frank J. cuts the IMAO paychecks, he writes "money for funny" on the memo line. Unfortunately, his crappy handwriting makes it look like "money for fellatio". I get the oddest looks at the bank.

In gratitude, I bought him this little gift, which I hope he finds useful:

Posted by: Harvey at 12:57 PM | Comments (9) | Add Comment
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(A FILTHY LIE holiday classic)

I was strolling through the park recently when I came across a familiar socks-and-sandals-clad figure doing... something... Curious, I inquired...

Harv: Hey Glenn, whatcha doin'

Evil Glenn: GAH! Don't sneak up on me like that. Don't you ever knock?

Harv: Ok [KNOCK!]

Evil Glenn: Ow! My head!

Harv: Happy now?

Evil Glenn [rubbing rapidly swelling knot on his forehead]: It's a start. Anyway, if you MUST know, I'm setting up my Independence Day fireworks celebration by wiring bricks of C-4 to this helpless family of adorable fuzzy little bunny rabbits.

Harv: That's evil!

Evil Glenn: Lawyer.

Harv: Yeah, but this is beyond lawyer evil. It's practically French.

Evil Glenn: Like defending Saddam Hussein against war crimes charges?

Harv: Exactly

Evil Glenn: Well, I was turned down for that gig because I blend puppies.

Harv: Ah, I see, you were too evil.

Evil Glenn: Not evil enough. Jacques Verges uses an industrial paper shredder.

Harv: No wonder he's defending Saddam. Anyway, I'm going to have to stop you from harming those cute little animals

Evil Glenn: It's ok, I'm making them wear eye protection. The won't be harmed, just exploded.

Harv: Well, as long as you're taking precautions, I guess it's ok. Have fun.

Too bad Glenn's a little fuzzy on the concept of "minimum safe distance", because, when I heard the explosion, I turned around and took a picture. This is what I saw:

(see extended entry for exciting conclusion): more...

Posted by: Harvey at 08:00 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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