ABOUT GLENN REYNOLDS

About Glenn Reynolds
(A Filthy Lie cross-posted from IMAO)

If you're one of the few people that still goes to Instapundit, you've probably noticed how pathetic his "about me" post is. Sure, he's got a tiny blurb about "I wrote this & that wonderfully boring piece of tripe, gaze upon my works ye mighty and despair", but he really needs something more... personal. Something to make him seem more human.

Or less INhuman, as the case may be.

So I thought I'd do my part to help the old guy out - since he finally linked the podcast - and recommend some biographical tidbits that he ought to share.

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ABOUT GLENN REYNOLDS

* Glenn got to be the top blogger in the Ecosystem through a series of carefully targeted assassinations, which explains why you never hear about JimmyHoffa.com anymore.

* Glenn invented reusable toilet paper, which, for some reason, never really caught on.

* Except in France.

* Like most bloggers, Glenn composes all his posts longhand using a penguin-quill pen, puppy blood, and hobo-skin parchment.

* Glenn's owns an '88 Yugo with license plate PPBLNDR

* Glenn's incredibly thick geek-glasses were originally a gift from a fat kid who used them to start campfires while stranded on an island with a group of feral boys.

* Glenn's day job is with the law firm of Dewey, Cheatham, and Howe.

* Glenn's first web page was actually a Judy Garland fan site.

* It was later sold to Andrew Sullivan for an undisclosed sum.

* According to Glenn, baby seals "taste just like chicken"

* Glenn owns 7 shirts, 7 ties, 7 pairs of pants, 7 pairs of socks, 7 pairs of underwear, 7 sports coats, and 7 pairs of shoes, all exactly the same. It saves him the trouble of having to decide what to wear on any given day.

* Unfortunately, he keeps grabbing the same set of clothes, much to the dismay of those who have to work with him on Fridays.

* Somewhere a portrait of Glenn is magically growing increasingly old and ugly.

* Glenn owns a very popular chain of fast food joints in Tennessee called "EvilBurger"

* People say the burgers "taste just like chicken."

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If you know any of any important biographical tidbits that I've missed, you can drop them in the comments.

Posted by: Harvey at 10:37 AM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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INTERNATIONAL INSTAPUNDIT

(A Filthy Lie cross-posted from IMAO)

Have you ever travelled to a foreign country and tried to ask where the bathroom was, only to discover that - in the native monkey-jabber - the words you used actually meant something entirely different? Like you just asked the guy if you could lick his elbow, and then he punches you right in the face and you have to get nine stitches?

I can't be the only one that's happened to.

Anyway, I know that if you go travelling, you'll want to keep in touch with the blog world, so you'll be tempted to mention to a native that you're going to check Instapundit. However, I must warn you that doing so may be fraught with danger. So in an effort to prevent future international incidents, I thought I'd check on what "Instapundit" meant in various foreign languages. Before you open your mouth in some filthy, non-American cesspool of a country, check the list:

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Arabic - Those camels are sexually desirable.

Chinese - I enjoy shoving rice up my nose.

Korean - Your hair is quite poofy.

Zulu - I offer three plump goats for your daughter.

Eskimo - My club is too small to kill that baby seal.

Klingon - I have dishonored your family by mating with your mother, who is quite ugly.

Hebrew - Is that shake made with kosher puppies?

Democrat - My taxes are too low. Please raise them with great haste.

Irish - Let's drink and fight!

Kurdish - I miss Saddam.

Portuguese - Ricky Martin! Mmmm... FOXY!

Esperanto - I think we should resort to cannibalism.

Icelandic - With hindsight, I regret licking this flagpole.

Swedish - Are those real?

Thai - Enter my car and I will give you candy.

Italian - Your sister's back hair is quite fetching.

Ukranian - $40 million is too much for such a small nuclear device. You must do better, or I will take my business to Belarus.

Scottish - Is that a bagpipe in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?

Canadian - Instapundit, eh?

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I also tried it in French, but - like every other word I tried - it kept coming back as "we surrender". I think the Google Translator might be broken.

If I missed any important languages, feel free to leave your translations in the comments.

Posted by: Harvey at 03:23 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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EVIL GLENN'S BLOGAD

(A Filthy Lie cross-posted from IMAO)

I knew that Instapundit's been getting worried about Michele Malkin's increasing popularity in the Ecosystem, and I heard a rumor that he was going to start buying BlogAds to keep his traffic up, but I was still a little surprised the first time I saw this:

Posted by: Harvey at 04:30 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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