(click to enlarge)

(hat tip to Jed of Boots & Sabers for the pic)

Posted by: Harvey at 08:48 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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(A FILTHY LIE)

To complete the latest Alliance assignment of finding out what lay inside Glenn Reynolds's house, I cleverly disguised myself as a photographer from "Better Tombs and Dungeons" magazine to persuade Evil Glenn to give me a tour of his compound. What I found will shock and disturb you.

We started off in the torture chamber. A twisted, macabre place with human hands sticking out of the walls in various stages of decay.

Turned out it was only the front entryway. Those were coathooks. That Glenn, what a prankster!

But the REAL torture chamber came soon enough. I have to confess to a twinge of jealousy, as that chair looked more comfortable than most of the second hand reject furniture that decorates my bank lobby.

In the "courtroom", the following conversation took place:

Evil Glenn: In order to keep my evil lawyering skills... pardon the redundancy... as sharp as possible, I've had my very own Kangaroo Courtroom built over here. This is where I try and convict hobos before sentencing them to death.

Harv: And they're ALWAYS found guilty?

Evil Glenn: Yes, no one EVER gets off... except me... but that's the Penguin Porn Room, which you'll see later.

Harv: No chance of acquittal? That hardly seems fair. What about justice?

Evil Glenn: Just... what now?

Harv: Nevermind.

Next came the kitchen, or as Glenn called it, the Blendatorium. Here you can see the puppies packed together like deviled eggs, awaiting their conversion to smoothie status.

We passed through the Great Hall Of Mao on our way to the next room. Upon seeing the dozens of pictures of the bald-headed, squinty-eyed dictator, Glenn became increasingly restless as thoughts of pure commie evil filled his head with unspeakable pleasure. By the time we reached the Robot Dance Hall, Glenn could no longer restrain himself and began Robot Dancing with such an inhumanly wild abandon, it made Howard Dean look like William F. Buckley.

After sitting through 3 hours of Donna Summer singing "Hot Stuff" on endless loop, we finished up the tour with the previously promised viewing of...

The Penguin Porn Room.

I ran screaming into the night.

I only hope that by exposing the vile sins within Evil Glenn's abode that we will finally have the means to put an end to the oppressive rule of the vile and despicable blogospheric dictator.

INSTAPUNDO DELENDA EST!

Posted by: Harvey at 07:39 PM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
Post contains 403 words, total size 3 kb.

(A FILTHY LIE ASSIGNMENT)

I'm still on the run from Evil Glenn's typing-monkey-minion shock troops, so I don't have time to explain exactly what happened. Suffice it to say it involved Glenn's house, C4, twin uzis, and a 5-gallon bucket of ostrich feathers (don't ask).

Despite the fact that I was critically wounded - and by "critically" I mean the wound required a full-size 3/4" strip, and not just one of those little round "spot" Band-Aids - by the backblast from my own M-79 grenade launcher, I still managed to retrieve Evil Glenn's photo album.

Unfortunately, many of the photos were destroyed by the molecular-acid blood of Xenomorph embryos (again, don't ask) during the retrieval process, so I only have a precious few left to show. I have included the actual captions as written (apparently in hobo blood) by Glenn (photos in the extended entry to protect the faint of heart): more...

Posted by: Harvey at 08:47 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
Post contains 426 words, total size 5 kb.

(A FILTHY LIE)

While surfing randomly about, I came across EvilGlenn04.org (link currently broken) which appears to be Glenn Reynolds's official Presidential Campaign site. Although it's currently under construction, it DID contain a list of possible campaign slogans, a selection of which are as follows:

I'm blending puppies in New Hampshire and South Carolina and Oklahoma and Arizona and North Dakota and New Mexico, and I'll blend them in California and Texas and New York. And then I'm going to South Dakota and Oregon and Washington and Michigan. And then I'm going to blend every single f****** puppy in Washington, D.C... YEarGGGGGH!

Don't let that son of a bitch push you down. Vote Evil Glenn.

A puppy in every blender and a penguin in every bedroom.

Running a scandal-free campaign since August 2nd. Oops... Damn.

Working hard to stop the Anti-Cross-Species Marriage Act.

The cure for homelessness.

Too busy blogging to raise your taxes.

Diversity through superior firepower.

Why vote for a lesser evil?

...And during my second term, I'll get rid of all the damn cats, too!

Thuggish, yet with a whiff of desperation.

I will NOT crush dissent... might blend it, though.

Personally, I think he should just stick with

INSTAPUNDO DELENDA EST!

(I'd vote for THAT)

Posted by: Harvey at 08:14 PM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
Post contains 217 words, total size 2 kb.