The Cruelty of Glenn Reynolds

(A Filthy Lie cross-posted from IMAO)

Recently someone asked me, "Hey Harv, how come you're always picking on Glenn Reynolds? You nursing some kind of grudge for something he's done to you?"

So what else could I do but answer him?...

...With a song...

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You're asking what Glenn's done to me?
It's pretty plain for all to see
His vile deeds have ruined my life
Filled it full of stress and strife!

My dog was blended by this man
He whizzed into my garbage can
Ate my goldfish, smashed my table
Told Time-Warner that I stole cable

Made off with my credit card
Burned his name into my yard
Ate my cookies, cracked my eggs,
Tattooed peace signs on my legs.

Put pop cans in my microwave
Spit upon my grandpa's grave
Buried hobos in my cellar
Told bad jokes 'bout Helen Keller

Wrapped my car around a tree
Gave me clap - it hurts to pee!
Made my new computer crash
Put borax in my cocaine stash

Drained my laptop battery
Robot-danced on my TV
Ate my Twinkies, greased my slide
Shaved my kitten's underside

Didn't link my funny post
Sprinkled dandruff on my toast
Punched Frank J. and made him cry
(No, wait... that makes me like the guy)

Grafittied my walls, stole my wallet
Made me lose my otherwise impeccable talent for meter and rhyme
"Love thy neighbor"? Surely you jest!
INSTAPUNDO DELENDA EST!

Posted by: Harvey at 09:51 AM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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LIGHT BLOGGING AT INSTAPUNDIT EXPLAINED

(A Filthy Lie cross-posted from IMAO)

Glenn Reynolds recently apologized for a spate of light blogging at Instapundit, claiming to be "busy" with his new book. However, recent leaks from Scooter Libby show that he was actually working on a viable "exit strategy" to bring the troops home from Iraq, which the House is voting on tonight. The full text of the strategy follows...

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1) Announce immediate pullout of all American troops from Iraq.

2) Observe Iraqis - note who cheers at the announcement.

3) Help cheerers celebrate with a White Phosphorus fireworks display that "somehow" goes horribly wrong.

4) Finish installing Iraqi democracy.

5) Immediately withdraw US troops.

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Might have to "celebrate" the cheerers at ABC News next.

Posted by: Harvey at 09:01 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Notice of Class Action Lawsuit

(A Filthy Lie cross-posted from IMAO)

Just got a letter in the mail today:

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From the office of Glenn Reynolds, Esq., J.D., PPBLNDR:

Since the earliest days of the American Republic, people have looked up into the night sky with awe and wonder, seeking hope and inspiration for their lives as they contemplated the heavenly lights, the most brilliant and uplifting of which is... The Moon.

Yet there are those who - in their desperate quest for filthy profits - would desecrate this sacred symbol of ancient wisdom.

Like Frank J., of IMAO who proudly - PROUDLY! - displays a picture on his site of our precious moon being atomically violated:

This atrocious sight has been clinically proven to induce Post-Traumatic Nuclear Moon Syndrome in those viewing this image. Symptoms of PTNMS include:

* Fear of looking up at the night sky
* Attacking Iraq to steal its oil
* Uncontrollable urges to blow stuff up in order to keep other countries in line.

If you or someone you love exhibits any of these PTNMS symptoms brought on by Frank J's reckless moon abuse, you may be entitled to compensation. Just send an e-mail to EvilGlenn@emptythedeeppockets.com explaining how your life has been decimated by irresponsible luno-nuclear photoshoppery and let me help you along the road to healing.

And MONEY!

[signed]
Glenn Reynolds

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Disgusting!

Glenn Reynolds is nothing but a vile, avaricious, gold-digger! Show your support for IMAO by buying a Nuke The Moon T-shirt today. $1 from every sale will go directly to the IMAO Moon-Nukers Legal Defense Fund and/or toward buying SarahK shiny, pretty things.

Posted by: Harvey at 07:24 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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BROADWAY GLENN

(A Filthy Lie cross-posted from IMAO)

I heard Reynolds produced a new Broadway musical, loosely based on T.S. Eliot's book of poems, "Old Hobo's Book of Puréed Puppies" or something... (see extended entry) more...

Posted by: Harvey at 03:27 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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