October 28, 2005
Laura from Can't Keep Quiet took a look at logo for the Alliance of Free Blogs:
and decided that it looked a lot like a certain Nazi logo:
dropping broad hints along the way that of course a bunch of fascist right-wingers would choose a Nazi symbol to represent their organization.
Being as she's liberal, she is - by definition - completely and inarguably correct in her analysis.
In fact, it's time for Alliance to goose-step out of the closet and go with the logo that we'd REALLY like (see extended entry):
Whaddya think?
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October 21, 2005
Some of you may have seen this Day By Day cartoon and wondered, "Why does Glenn Reynolds have an alien living at his house?"
Turns out it's not REALLY an alien. It's Phin, from Phin's Blog.
It's all part of Glenn's plan to destroy any bloggers who might threaten his rulership of the blogosphere. His first target, naturally, was IMAO. After all, it WAS Frank J. who first exposed his puppy-blending habit.
So he hired Phin, who - bitter at not being invited to join IMAO - agreed to use his awesome photoshopping powers to destroy IMAO once and for all.
With dreams of vengeance twisting his mind, he developed an image so inhumanly revolting that a single glance would send any IMAO reader screaming into the night, clawing at his eyes, never to return again to the now-accursed URL of www.imao.us.
The only way to defeat Evil Glenn's foul plot is to not view the extended entry...
Aren't you glad you didn't click?
On the bright side, Phin has been captured and now faces punishment for his crimes against humanity.
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October 14, 2005
(A Filthy Lie)
Just saw this at Instapundit, and thought I'd share:
You know those voices you hear in your head? I usually listen to mine, because they never steer me wrong. Although sometimes they're a little garbled, like this one time when I thought the voice said "blend a cub" instead of the usual "blend a pup".
Hey, nobody's perfect.
Whether it's "slaughter a hobo for Satan" or "dip yourself in honey and roll around in penguin feathers", I've learned to listen to the still, small voice within.
So, when I heard the words "I want you to attack Iraq", who was I to question?
It wasn't until after I'd reduced half the countryside to a smoking crater...:
Iraq attack as photographed by my good friend Al Feldstein
...that I got a follow-up message on my head-voice-mail. Turned out the "attack Iraq" thing was intended for President Bush. Apparently the Angel in charge of routing God's messages was a little... distracted that week:
Heh. Indeed.
UPDATE: That Instapundit link isn't working. Just go to the front page & look around. I'm sure it's there somewhere.
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October 07, 2005
After seeing "March of the Penguins", I decided that I'd like to get a closer look at these amazing creatures in their natural habitat, so I booked a cruise to Antarctica.
Or TRIED to.
Have you priced cruise ship tickets lately? OUTRAGEOUS!
Fortunately, I discovered that Glenn Reynolds recently bought out Princess Cruise Lines and had some incredibly cheap introductory offers.
Yes, I know Glenn is evil and I shouldn't support his business ventures, but the ticket was only 15 bucks, plus I got a free "I [Heart] blended puppies" T-shirt. How could I say no?
Nothing of note happened until after we'd arrived at scenic Port Lockroy. Then things got a little... interesting...
As I wandered about the frozen wastelands, I saw a sinister, yet familiar figure amidst a flock of penguins...
Harv: Evil Glenn! What are you doing here?
Evil Glenn: Dammit Currency Freak! Can't I go ANYWHERE without bumping into you?
Harv: I was just thinking the same thing... except substitute the phrase "puppy-blending, hobo-murdering, Satan-worshiping bastard."
Evil Glenn: Well, not that it's any of your business, but I'm here to film a little penguin porn.
Harv: Long way to travel just to exploit innocent wildlife. Don't you have a "special" troop of penguins at home to use for your deviant & nefarious purposes?
Evil Glenn: Well, yes, but the adult entertainment industry is hard on participants (Heh). The ladies tend to skankify pretty fast. I mean think about how hag-like Madonna's gotten.
Harv: EWWWW! I REALLY didn't need that picture in my head. But I guess I see your point. Still, it's just plain wrong to demean innocent...
Evil Glenn: Hel-LOOOO! I had my conscience surgically removed my first year of law school. You might as well try to shame a Kennedy. Now if you'll excuse me, I have a long list of movies that need to hit the shelves in the next couple of weeks, and I really don't have time for idle chit-chat.
Harv: What "list of movies"?
Evil Glenn: Oh, "Back Door Birdie", "Flippers of Lust", "Swimming Sluts", "Cold Feet - Hot Ass"...
Harv: That's disgusting!
Evil Glenn: "Fine Feathered Foreplay", "Flock You", "Black & White Bump & Grind", "Tux & Sucks"...
Harv: I think I'm gonna puke.
Evil Glenn: "Flappin' & Boppin'", "Freaks With Beaks", "Wings & Wangs", "Feathery Friend Felching Fun"...
Harv: Dear God! Please... Stop!
Evil Glenn: "Hot Nude Amatuer Penguin Trios", "Lay Me Instead of an Egg", "Aviary of Anal", "XXX Black Peeing Porn"...
Harv: Hey! That last one's not penguin-related.
Evil Glenn: So? I'm not allowed to have outside interests?
Harv: You pathetic, sick, twisted, degenerate monster!
Evil Glenn:...
Harv: Yeah, yeah, I know... Lawyer... Right! I'm going back to the ship, and when I get home, I'm filing a report at Alliance HQ.
Evil Glenn: Let's not be hasty. I still need someone to play the part of the Naughty Zoo-keeper in this next scene...
Harv: Leaving now!
Evil Glenn: Come back! I can make you a star! Just bend this penguin over that snowbank and... Crap! He's gone. Oh well. Come on, Opus, we've got work to do...
The return trip was uneventful, and thanks to some professional help and a lot of drinking, the mental wounds are healing nicely. I just wanted to let everyone know that a new batch of penguin porn will be on the streets soon unless the puppy-blending pervert is stopped. Meanwhile, don't buy any porn unless it's certified penguin-free. Just look for this symbol.
INSTAPUNDO DELENDA EST!
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After seeing "March of the Penguins", I decided that I'd like to get a closer look at these amazing creatures in their natural habitat, so I booked a cruise to Antarctica.
Or TRIED to.
Have you priced cruise ship tickets lately? OUTRAGEOUS!
Fortunately, I discovered that Glenn Reynolds recently bought out Princess Cruise Lines and had some incredibly cheap introductory offers.
Yes, I know Glenn is evil and I shouldn't support his business ventures, but the ticket was only 15 bucks, plus I got a free "I [Heart] blended puppies" T-shirt. How could I say no?
Nothing of note happened until after we'd arrived at scenic Port Lockroy. Then things got a little... interesting...
As I wandered about the frozen wastelands, I saw a sinister, yet familiar figure amidst a flock of penguins...
Harv: Evil Glenn! What are you doing here?
Evil Glenn: Dammit Currency Freak! Can't I go ANYWHERE without bumping into you?
Harv: I was just thinking the same thing... except substitute the phrase "puppy-blending, hobo-murdering, Satan-worshiping bastard."
Evil Glenn: Well, not that it's any of your business, but I'm here to film a little penguin porn.
Harv: Long way to travel just to exploit innocent wildlife. Don't you have a "special" troop of penguins at home to use for your deviant & nefarious purposes?
Evil Glenn: Well, yes, but the adult entertainment industry is hard on participants (Heh). The ladies tend to skankify pretty fast. I mean think about how hag-like Madonna's gotten.
Harv: EWWWW! I REALLY didn't need that picture in my head. But I guess I see your point. Still, it's just plain wrong to demean innocent...
Evil Glenn: Hel-LOOOO! I had my conscience surgically removed my first year of law school. You might as well try to shame a Kennedy. Now if you'll excuse me, I have a long list of movies that need to hit the shelves in the next couple of weeks, and I really don't have time for idle chit-chat.
Harv: What "list of movies"?
Evil Glenn: Oh, "Back Door Birdie", "Flippers of Lust", "Swimming Sluts", "Cold Feet - Hot Ass"...
Harv: That's disgusting!
Evil Glenn: "Fine Feathered Foreplay", "Flock You", "Black & White Bump & Grind", "Tux & Sucks"...
Harv: I think I'm gonna puke.
Evil Glenn: "Flappin' & Boppin'", "Freaks With Beaks", "Wings & Wangs", "Feathery Friend Felching Fun"...
Harv: Dear God! Please... Stop!
Evil Glenn: "Hot Nude Amatuer Penguin Trios", "Lay Me Instead of an Egg", "Aviary of Anal", "XXX Black Peeing Porn"...
Harv: Hey! That last one's not penguin-related.
Evil Glenn: So? I'm not allowed to have outside interests?
Harv: You pathetic, sick, twisted, degenerate monster!
Evil Glenn:...
Harv: Yeah, yeah, I know... Lawyer... Right! I'm going back to the ship, and when I get home, I'm filing a report at Alliance HQ.
Evil Glenn: Let's not be hasty. I still need someone to play the part of the Naughty Zoo-keeper in this next scene...
Harv: Leaving now!
Evil Glenn: Come back! I can make you a star! Just bend this penguin over that snowbank and... Crap! He's gone. Oh well. Come on, Opus, we've got work to do...
The return trip was uneventful, and thanks to some professional help and a lot of drinking, the mental wounds are healing nicely. I just wanted to let everyone know that a new batch of penguin porn will be on the streets soon unless the puppy-blending pervert is stopped. Meanwhile, don't buy any porn unless it's certified penguin-free. Just look for this symbol.
INSTAPUNDO DELENDA EST!
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October 03, 2005
First Frank brings up the fact that Glenn Reynolds may have switched his blending preference from canine to ursine.
Then Frank gets all sexist by suggesting how incompetent a mob of female assassins would be.
Combining these ideas, I can't help but wonder how Instapundit would be different if Reynolds were a woman.
First, I guess she'd be referred to as "Evil Glennda".
Probably still blend puppies, since dogs are man's best friend, and you know how jealous women can get.
Blending bear cubs? Definitely, since most women think guns are icky, and all American bears are kept armed (it's right there in the Constitution, people).
Yeah, I know SarahK's a woman and she LIKES guns, but she's really pretty and - since you know how jealous women can get - it's just another reason for bear-blending to Glennda.
But would Glennda still be conservative?... Doubtful, since most women are touchy-feely liberals.
Yeah, I know Ann Coulter's conservative, but she's blond and pretty (just like SarahK) and - since you know how jealous women can get - it implies that Glennda would blend anthing blond or even yellow, like bananas and canaries - possibly with honey, strawberries, dishwater, bleach and/or peroxide.
Mao-worshipping? - Nah. Everyone knows girls like Che Guevera.
Punching Frank J.? Oh HELL yeah! Even pretty girls like SarahK enjoy THAT!
Satan-worshipping? Nah... all chicks are Christians who drag you to boring church services & tell you to read the Bible, then get mad when you start reading the dirty parts, like where Solomon is ogling naked women whose breasts are like clusters of grapes.
Murdering hobos? Well, women DO like that unkempt "bad boy" look, and they seem to prefer men who drink too much (just like SarahK!). Of course, all women eventually DO go crazy and give midnight Bobbitectomies, so I'm not sure whether to count that as murder or not.
Penguin Porn? Women just don't like porn. However they ARE hot for a man in a tux - expecially if he looks like a bad boy & drinks too much. Glennda might watch it if it were one of those soft-core things on Lifetime or Oxygen.
Other than that, probably the only change to the Instapundit site would be a barely-noticable tweaking of the background tint:
Think there'd be any other differences?
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