With a great sigh of relief - and I'm sure I'm not alone in this - I present the last edition of Fun Facts About the 50 States:

This week, we'll be wrapping up the Fun Facts About the 50 States series by fighting off a pack of rabid jackalopes as we tour Wyoming. So let's get started...

Wyoming became the 44th state on July 10th, 1890. Or maybe that was Colorado. I don't know... all those rectangular states look alike to me.

The state motto of Wyoming is "120 miles to the next rest area".

Wyoming gets its name from an Algonquin Indian word, "wa-ho-men", meaning "little too friendly with the sheep, there, cowboy".

The state song of Wyoming is "Go Back To Colorado And Ski On Your Own Mountains, Ya Damn Greenie!"

Wyoming's license plates feature black lettering on a scenic landscape background, a silhouette of a man riding a bucking bronco, and the tourism slogan "Our Women Are Like This, Too".

In 1869, Wyoming was the first state to grant women the right to vote, which earned it the nickname, "The Whipped State".

Rising nearly 1300 feet above the surrounding lands, Wyoming's Devil's Tower was designated as America's first National Monument in 1906. It also beat out Richard Dreyfuss for the Best Actor Oscar in "Close Encounters of the Third Kind" in 1977.

Black Thunder, located near Wright, Wyoming, is America's largest coal mine. It was also Al Sharpton's nickname back in his stripper days, although the two are otherwise unconnected.

The first "Dude Ranch" was the Eaton Ranch near Wolf, Wyoming. The Eatons were the first to use the word "dude" in that capacity, as the term originally referred to a burr that had gotten tangled in a horse's butt-hair.

The horse featured on Wyoming's license plate is named "Old Steamboat", after an unridable bronco that gained fame in the early 1900's. Keep that in mind before buying a package of Old Steamboat brand hot dogs.

With less than 500,000 people, Wyoming has the smallest population of any of the 50 states. Strangely, this was true even before the release of "Brokeback Mountain".

Established in 1886, the Laramie County Library located in Cheyenne, Wyoming, is the oldest continually operating county library in the United States. In 2007, they plan to consider broadening their collection to include books not written by Louis L'Amour.

Just outside of Laramie, Wyoming, the 60-foot tall stone monolith known as Ames Pyramid marks the location of the world's first rodeo. More specifically, the site where a VERY drunken Robert Ames uttered his final words, "I'll bet I can sit on top of that angry bull for 8 seconds!"

Using a firearm to fish is strictly forbidden by Wyoming law, as is chumming with city slicker body parts.

Wyoming's Nellie Tayloe Ross was the first woman Governor elected in the US. Her first official act was to outlaw jokes about her that used either "Grand Tetons" or "Jackson Hole".

Newcastle, Wyoming, has a law that specifically prohibits couples from having sex inside a store's walk-in meat freezer. I probably don't need to mention that it was passed shortly after a Bill Clinton campaign stop.

The punishment for being drunk in a mine in Wyoming is a year in jail - or "Irish Condo", as the locals call it.

The Jackalope - common in Wyoming - is a cross between a pygmy deer and a particularly vicious breed of killer rabbit. While nominally considered a pest, the animal is credited with annually bringing millions of dollars of revenue into the state through the sale of Holy Hand Grendade hunting permits.

In Wyoming, it's illegal to wear a hat in a theater that obstructs someone's view. In the event of an offense, the obstructed person is allowed to shoot the hat off the other person's head - the only time it's legal to yell "Fire!" in a crowded theater.

Jackson, Wyoming elected the first all-woman city council in 1920. The first law they passed banned fat guys in Speedos.

The spacecraft Voyager II has, as part of its artifacts cargo, an Ansel Adams photo of Jackson Hole, Wyoming. Note to space aliens - it's actually just a come-on to get you to attend a time-share seminar.

There have been numerous sightings of Bigfoot in the woods outside Jackson, Wyoming. However, most scientists theorize that he's actually just an ordinary man who went feral after being exiled for wearing a Speedo.

The first person to ski down the 14,000 foot Grand Teton mountain was Bill Briggs, in 1971. And by "ski", I mean "fall to his screaming, bloody death with skis strapped to his feet, regretting his endeavor the whole way down".

Yellowstone National Park has over 10,000 geysers in addition to the popular "Old Faithful". Also intriguing, though less well-known, are "Middle-aged Erratic" and "Young Psychotic" - affectionately known as "Mel" and "Britney", respectively.

The state flag of Wyoming features a blue field bordered in white and red with a picture in the foreground that I'll describe as, "a bison that got REALLY drunk with a bunch of his rowdy friends and decided to blow the rest of his paycheck at a tattoo parlor - which SEEMED like a good idea at the time, and that eagle IS pretty cool, but that "equal rights" thing over the picture of that ugly chick might've been a mistake in retrospect - and what's the deal with that one guy grabbing his crotch like Michael Jackson - what was I THINKING?".

In 1991, a elementary school class discovered a the bones of a new species of dinosaur during a field trip at Alcova Lake, Wyoming. Since tradition allows a discoverer to name his find, the giant prehistoric carnivore was dubbed "Fartosaurus".

In 1872, Yellowstone was designated as the world's first National Park. The first non-American National Park was Le Pew Springs, outside Paris, France. It's pungent, sulfurous waters are said to be the source of France's cherished National Odor.

Wyoming law prohibits "fat people" - defined as 100 or more pounds overweight - from using playground or park equipment. This became the inspiration for Michael Moore's documentary, "Teeter-Tottering For Columbine".

While it IS true that Cody, Wyoming was named after William "Buffalo Bill" Cody, it is NOT true that Casper, Wyoming was named after a particularly gregarious-natured spectral apparition.

The first JC Penney store opened in Kemmerer, Wyoming, in 1902. It was the first department store that featured annual visits from Santa Claus - of sorts. The Wyomingized version of the jolly holiday elf, "Saint Clint", gave cigars and ponchos to good children, while misbehaving youngsters were hogtied & branded "naughty".

That wraps up the Wyoming edition of Fun Facts About the 50 States and ends our little tour around the greatest nation on earth. Hope you had as much fun reading it as I did writing it.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have to grab my Speedo and get out of Jackson.

Posted by: Harvey at 01:27 PM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
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While the IMAO podcast is still MIA, I'm going to keep posting the latest uncut Fun Facts About The 50 States - hopefully on a weekly(ish) schedule.

This week, we'll be indulging in the official state pastime of plotting to invade Michigan and annex the Upper Peninsula as the 73rd county when we visit my home state of Wisconsin. So let's get started...

Wisconsin became the 30th state on May 29th, 1848... and seriously, why the HELL is the Upper Peninsula considered part of Michigan? Just look at a map! It doesn't even TOUCH the rest of the stupid state! This is BULLS***!

The state flag of Wisconsin is comprised of a dark blue background with a central design that was most likely created by someone with a Colorforms play set and too much time on his hands.

The state flower of Wisconsin is the "Road Construction Ahead" sign.

The Wisconsin license plate features a white background with black lettering and the tourism slogan, "Cannibal-free Since 1994!"

Wisconsin's nickname is the "Will you please shut up about Brett Favre already?" state.

According to the other 49 states, anyway.

The first typewriter was invented in Milwaukee, Wisconsin, in 1868 by C.L. Sholes. The first sentence ever typed on it was "The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog". The second was "GAH! Carpal Tunnel!"

Although Wisconsin sports revolves around the Packers, the state DOES have a professional baseball team - the Milwaukee Brew... somethings - who, since joining the National League in 1998, have already set the record for keeping the Cubs out of the basement.

Wisconsin has over 15,000 miles of snowmobile trails. Most of them run adjacent to the state's highways, and are clearly delineated by reflective sidemarkers and piles of discarded beer cans.

Noah's Ark in Wisconsin Dells is America's largest waterpark, and is also Wisconsin's only non-alcoholic fluid-related attraction.

Wisconsin gets its name from the Oneida Indian phrase "Oui-con-sun", meaning "nothing but polka music on the radio".

Milwaukee, Wisconsin, is home to Harley-Davidson Motorcycles. Despite the violent, anti-social reputation of Harley riders, most of them take the time to give back to their communities by helping to keep Wisconsin's snowmobile trails clearly marked.

The nation's first Kindergarten was started in 1856 in Watertown, Wisconsin. Its purpose was to ensure that children had all the vital skills they needed for attending the first grade, like reciting the alphabet and taunting misfits.

Wisconsin is America's top milk producing state. Although vegetarians consider milking cows to be a form of animal abuse, they should just shut the hell up before I break their brittle, calcium-deficient little arms!

Architect Frank Lloyd Wright was born in Richland Center, Wisconsin, in 1867 and was the father of the "cinderblocks and pizza boxes" style of architecture.

The state motto of Wisconsin is "Home of Schlitz, Blatz, Pabst, and other beers that sound like vomiting noises".

The Barbie doll was named for Barbara Handler of Willows, Wisconsin. And yes, like the doll, she really DOES have painted-on eyebrows and plastic boobs.

The state song of Wisconsin is "The Bears Still Suck", which Illinois has also considering adopting since the 2007 Superbowl fiasco.

The Ringling Brothers Circus started in Baraboo, Wisconsin in 1884. Although now world-famous, they had their humble beginnings in a travelling freak show consisting of a single woman with painted-on eyebrows and plastic boobs.

It was in Two Rivers, Wisconsin, in 1881 that the ice cream sundae was invented. Prior to this, hot fudge had only been used as a topping in adventuresome marital bedchambers.

The Republican Party was born in 1854 in Ripon, Wisconsin. It was started as an attempt to replace the Whig party, which self-destructed after candidate Millard Fillmore completely discredited himself by making a bizarre screaming sound at the end of a campaign speech in 1852.

Green Bay is Wisconsin's oldest city, which was founded in 682 BC by Roman Coliseum Master Vincini Lombardo. Today, a cult of his loyal followers preserve the legend of his promise to return again in his city's hour of greatest need. Most likely after Brett Favre retires.

Yeah, yeah, I know... shut up about Brett Favre, already.

Mount Horeb, Wisconsin, is home to the Mustard Museum. It contains all 2300 varieties of mustard known to man, except for Mean Mr., which can be downloaded from iTunes.

Cannibalistic serial killers Ed Gein and Jeffrey Dahmer both hail from Wisconsin. Which was probably just a coincidence, even though it's true that nothing complements the taste of human flesh like good ol' Wisconsin cheese.

The town of Oconomowoc, Wisconsin, was established in 1874 in an effort to allow people from Wisconsin the opportunity to win back the bar bets they lost against people from New Mexico who challenged them to spell Albuquerque.

In Wisconsin, the term "bubbler" is used to refer to a public drinking fountain. Although if you're on the UW-Madison campus, it might also be used to refer to a hippie who's rabidly frothing about global warming.

No one in Wisconsin pronounces the letter "g" at the end of a word (I'm tellin' the truth about that part). The state legislature passed a drastic law in an attempt to correct this bit of grammatical retardation, which is why everyone in the state has as least one shirt with a big letter "G" on it.

Monroe, Wisconsin is the Swiss Cheese Capital of the World, much to the embarrassment of those chocolate-chomping, Nazi-neutral, clock-makers across the pond.

Wisconsin contains almost 8000 streams and rivers, 99% of which are clean enough to drink from directly if you don't mind the taste of deer urine.

Which is also true for cans filled with Wisconsin beer.

Boscobel, Wisconsin is the birthplace Gideon Bible Society, who - since 1889 - have made it their mission to place a Bible in every hotel room in the world so that patrons would no longer have to lay awake at night wondering which commandment they just broke.

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That wraps up the Wisconsin edition of Fun Facts About the 50 States. Next week we'll be repeatedly reminded that Brokeback Mountain was about gay sheep ranchers and NOT gay cowboys as we visit Wyoming.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have to look something up in my Gideon Bible...

Recently IMAO readers were asked to ramp up the fun in the following unfun fact about Wisconsin:

"In 1882, the first hydroelectric plant in the United States was built at Fox River."

The results are included below:

...In 1883, the dam was shut down due to the first (and only) cheese clog in the United States.
- NMUSpidey

...In 2001, Democrats angry over coverage of the 2000 presidential election renamed it the 'Faux' River.
- Master Shake

...In 1982, a vehicle was driven off the dam for the first time. Senator Kennedy escaped unharmed.
- MurdockTheCrazy

...In 1883 the first brewery was attached to the HydroElectric Dam, thereby proving that useful things can come from hippy tree-hugging technology.
...In 1883 the first person from Illinois made their way up the Fox River, and yelled "Cheesehead"! Things have never been civil since...
...In 1883 Wisconsin, enjoying the total control over the waterways that led to Illinois, tried to dam up all the other rivers. However, a typo on the Army Corps of Engineers form merely made them curse at the water instead. "'Damn'! Hmmm, this isn't doing too much..."
...In 1883 Illinois responded to Wisconsin's technological innovation by exporting overweight suburbanites north for vacation every weekend.
...In 1883...we ran out of good Wisconsin v. Illinois Jokes.
- Dan

...In 1974, Ted Kennedy was seen swerving near the Fox River reservoir. All subsequent missing persons and accident reports regarding the incident are deemed classified.
- Dr V

...Onlookers all said 'Daaaaaaaam.'
- spacemonkey

...In 2002 global warming dried up the river, plunging Wisconsin into 1881.
- Moneyman

...Finally, something in Wisconsin sucked in more water than beer.
- P.J.

...Built entirely from plans tattooed on Michael Scofield's back.
- Bob in Feenicks

...This prompted a young George Soros to form the new political movement MoveOn.co-op
- Ron Rockstar

...This permitted the switch to be thrown on the world's first electric fence. Neither wild dairy herds nor gullible city slickers in need of a pit stop would ever be the same again. [insert zap! sound effect]
- motopolitico

...It was built after over a century of failure in trying to create a Fromagelectric power plant.
- DesertElephant

...In 1883 Krakatoa exploded. You do the math.
- SpecialEd

...In 1960, Arthur Fonzarelli successfully jumped over Fox River on a motorcycle. Later that year, he successfully jumped a shark. In 1978, a television show depicting his life did the same.
- bunkerboy

... -Muslims offended.
- steelshadow

...In 2002 Al Gore claimed to have invented it.
- SonofJorel

...Recently it was converted into a 'deeptunnelectric' plant to adapt to more plentiful fuel sources."
A little obscure, but pretty typical of Milwaukee [explanatory linkages].
- z

...This came three years after Edison invented the practical light bulb, which until then Wisconsinites had used as very small screw-top beer bottles.

This may explain why Old Milwaukee beer tastes like a metal light bulb filament.

If you are ever tempted to drink from a Wisconsin beer bottle that cannot stand upright on a table, resist.

If you are ever tempted to drink while you cannot stand upright on a table in Wisconsin, it's probably Deer Season.
- Kent

...Liberals have attacked it for not being fair and balanced and helping to power the vast right wing conspiracy
- Mike

Posted by: Harvey at 07:59 PM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
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While the IMAO podcast is still MIA, I'm going to keep posting the latest uncut Fun Facts About The 50 States - hopefully on a weekly(ish) schedule.

This week, we'll be unable to tell if that black stuff on our eggs is pepper, coal dust, or roach droppings as we visit West Virginia. So let's get started...

West Virginia became the 35th state on June 20, 1863. Originally part of the state of Virginia, the people in the western part of the state broke away in protest of the despicable institution of mandatory public education and the deplorable conditions of literacy that resulted therefrom.

The state flag of West Virginia consists of a blue-edged white background, overlaid by an image of two men debating whether Fahrenheit 9/11 or An Inconvenient Truth was a bigger load of crap.

The state flower of West Virginia is the Rhododendron. State legislators were chastised for picking a flower that most people in the state couldn't spell, but lawmakers ignored the complaints, since people had said the same thing when the dog was chosen as the state mammal.

West Virginia license plates are white with blue lettering, and contain the tourism slogan, "Now With A Paved Road!".

In a recent survey, 95% of West Virginians report having checked out a book from their local public library within the last year. During the same time period, 95% of West Virginians also reported having found a way to fix that wobbly kitchen table with the short leg.

The state song of West Virginia is "YAY! No More 3.2 Beer!"

The celebration of Mother's Day was first observed in Grafton, West Virginia, in 1908, mostly as a way to get women to stop whining about not being able to vote.

With a median age of 40, West Virginia has the oldest population of any state in the US. Upon turning 40, it's traditional for a West Virginian to cope with his mid-life crisis by buying a shiny red convertible to put up on blocks in his front yard.

West Virginia's nickname is "The Robert C. Byrd Memorial State" State.

Jackson's Mill, West Virginia, was the site of the first 4-H Camp in the US, where rural youngsters learned valuable agricultural skills such as how to milk cows, shear sheep, and hide stills from ATF agents.

The world's largest sycamore tree was located in Webster Springs, West Virginia. However, it was recently cut down and sold to David Letterman, who was reportedly thrilled at finally having a toothpick big enough to fit his tooth gap.

In 1960, Danny Heater of Burnsville, West Virginia, set a world's record by scoring 135 points during a high school basketball game. Even more amazing was that he accomplished this feat while being the youngest player on the team at age 24.

Some critics complain that the record shouldn't count, since he violated West Virginia rules by wearing shoes.

The first state sales tax in the US was instituted in West Virginia in 1921. It was hailed as a vast improvement over West Virginia's old revenue-raising technique - random muggings of Yankee tourists.

The first federal prison exclusively for women was opened in Alderson, West Virginia, in 1926. For those not familiar with women's prisons, they're sort of like sorority houses, except with more sobriety, and fewer gratuitously-sadistic, lesbian-overtoned initiation rituals.

The New River Gorge Bridge in Fayetteville is the highest steel-span bridge in the US, rising 876 feet above the river below. Every October, the locals celebrate "Bridge Day", when over 100,000 celebrants gather to watch or participate in bungee jumping and parachuting from the structure. On Bridge Day, the bridge itself is closed to both automobile traffic and scissors.

The state motto of West Virginia is "Montani semper liberi", which is Latin for "Sister, daughter, wife... whatever".

At 69 feet high and 900 feet in circumference, the nation's largest and oldest Indian burial ground is located in Moundsville, West Virginia. The mound's many unquiet spirits are frequently seen on TV shows such as "America's Most Haunted".

Nearly 75% of West Virginia is covered by forests, providing the state's many fine restaurants with beautiful views and fresh road kill.

In 1824, John Gallaher published the first women's magazine, "Ladies Garland" which featured the now-infamous centerfold of Andrew Jackson showing off "Old Hickory".

The variety of apple known as Golden Delicious originated in Wellsburg, West Virginia, in 1775. It was greeted with overwhelming enthusiasm by a population who'd spent years being stuck with eating the Ochre Atrocious.

Outdoor advertising got its start in Wheeling, West Virginia, when the Block Brothers Tobacco Company started painting barns with the slogan "Treat Yourself to the Best with Mail Pouch Brand Gumming Tobacco".

15% of America's coal comes from West Virginia. The state's coal producers expect that number to rise to 20% once they get their Balrog infestation problem under control.

In 1997, West Virginia had the lowest crime rate in the US. Coincidentally, this was the year after bribing Senator Byrd was legalized.

The world's largest shipment of matches - 210 million of them - was shipped from Wheeling, West Virginia, to Memphis, Tennessee in 1933. They were used as part of FDR's American Arsonist Army (AAA) program, whose job was to burn down trees so that the Civilian Conservation Corps (CCC) could have jobs planting new ones.

Which may explain why - before the word "retarded" was coined in 1940 - extremely stupid people were referred to as "F-D-R-ded".

"Coal House" in White Sulphur Springs, West Virginia, is the only residence in the world which is made entirely of coal. Tourists are strongly advised to bring their own toilet paper.

In 1841, William Tompkins of Cedar Grove, West Virginia used natural gas to evaporate salt brine - the first known industrial use of the natural gas. Prior to this, the highly explosive gas was mostly used by organized crime figures to fill brightly colored balloons for "kids who saw too much and needed to have an 'accident'".

In May, 1860, the first oil well in West Virginia was drilled at Burning Springs. In June, 1860, the former governor of Texas invaded West Virginia and stole it.

In 1885, stone quarried at Hinton, West Virginia was sent to Washington D.C to become part of the Washington Monument. Although the monument builders thanked West Virginia profusely at the time, they actually thought the stone was horrid. They immediately hid it in the attic of the monument and now only bring it out when they know a West Virginian is coming to visit.

The last public hanging in West Virginia took place in Ripley in 1897. After that, folks learned to keep their uppity book-learnin' to themselves.

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That wraps up the West Virginia edition of Fun Facts About the 50 States. Next week we'll be feasting ourselves into a cheese-coma as we visit Wisconsin.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go lay in some supplies for my visit to Coal House.

* West Virginia's state bird is the bald eagle, but it should be Robert C. Byrd for all the money he gets for the state for absolutely no reason.

* In Morgantown, WVU students celebrate the coming of each night by getting drunker than sailors on the first night of liberty.

* West Virginia's motto is "Mountaineers are always free." At WVU, it is "Mountaineers are always drunk."

* The toothbrush was invented in West Virgina. It had to have been or it would have been called a "teethbrush".

* Robert C. Byrd is the senior Senator from West Virginia. He gets the federal government to send vast amounts of money to the state by threatening to terrorize Maryland with his crack squad of shotgun-wielding, pickup-truck-mounted commandos.

* West Virginia is reported to have one of the lowest crime rates in the United States, if you don't count incest as a crime.

* The flat, straight stretches of road in the state are called bridges.

* Clarksburg, West Virginia has a very high Italian population, and its local mafia pioneered the practice of throwing someone in a river wearing cement overalls.

* The West Virgina state tourism slogan is "I hope you brought some Dramamine."

Posted by: Harvey at 04:17 PM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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