September 24, 2006
Should the podcast return, this is the list from which I'll pick & choose my favorite items to record.
Welcome to Fun Facts About the 50 States. I'm your host, Harvey, and - week by week - I'll be taking you on a tour around this great nation of ours, providing you with interesting - yet completely useless, and probably untrue - information about each of the 50 states.
This week, we'll be picking Canadian coins out of our pocket change and tossing them into fountains to make 89% of our wishes come true as we visit North Dakota. So let's get started...
North Dakota became the 39th state on November 2, 1889. It was originally settled by Canadians searching for somewhere to live that wasn't cold and boring. The expedition was, of course, a miserable failure.
Westhope, North Dakota, is the state's busiest point of entry into Canada. Over 72,000 people per year cross the border there - mostly Hollywood types making good on their promises to leave the country after Bush was elected.
Dakota Gasification Co. of Beulah, North Dakota is the nation's only producer of "synthetic natural gas" - an oxymoron of a degree second only to "peaceful Muslim".
Writing Rock State Historical Site near Grenora, North Dakota, features two granite boulders with carvings of the mythological Thunderbird. Which is either an example of early Indian religion or a declaration of their love for cheap, fortified wine.
North Dakota got its name from the Sioux Indian word "Da-ko-ta", meaning "pasty white guys"
The town of Rugby, North Dakota, is the geographical center of the North American continent, which - for those of you with public school educations - is the one that's right above that ice-cream-cone-shaped continent.
In 1987, North Dakota passed a law making English the state's official language, as a direct snub to those who only speak Canadian.
"Whut's dat aboot, eh?" - I mean, who can understand THAT goofy monkey-jabber?
In 1989, North Dakota attempted to drop the word "North" from the state's name, seeking to become known simply as "Dakota". The bill was defeated after their neighbor to the south threatened to change its name to "Smart Dakota".
Max Taubert of Casselton, North Dakota built a 50-foot-tall pyramid out of empty oil cans. Experts are still debating whether Taubert was an artistic genius or just a lazy slob who couldn't remember that trash day was Tuesday.
Devil's Lake - the largest natural body of water in North Dakota - got it's name from a mistranslation of the Sioux Indian word "Miniwaukan", which actually means "Satan's Urinal".
The Dakota Dinosaur Museum in Dickinson, North Dakota, contains dozens of complete dinosaur skeltons and celebrates the North Dakota state recreational pastime of watching things slowly turn to stone.
Harvey, North Dakota... no relation
The largest state-owned sheep research center in the US is located in Hettinger, North Dakota, and specializes in trying to discover what it is about sheep that makes ordinary men suddenly unable to quit each other.
The original grave of Sioux Indian leader Sitting Bull can be found in Fort Yates, North Dakota. His last words before being killed in 1890 were "Me think-um white man not have guts to pull trigger".
Jamestown, North Dakota is home to the world's largest buffalo statue. It's 26 feet tall, weighs 60 tons and features a small plaque at its base that says "Yes, we KNOW it's actually a 'bison'. We don't care. Shut up."
North Dakota grows more sunflowers than any other state, which is why they were going to name their NFL expansion team the "Sunflowers". It's also why the last NFL expansion franchise was granted to Houston, instead.
The historic Opera House in Ellendale, North Dakota was shut down after 90 years of successful operation in 1999 when it made the regrettable decision to put on performances of the controversial musical, "The Pedophiles of Penzance".
A "flickertail" is a small ground squirrel native to North Dakota which gets its name from its characteristic manner of flicking its tail just before entering its burrow. Sorta like the way a Democrat flinches upon hearing good news out of Iraq.
North Dakota's biggest tourist attraction is the annual Killdeer Mountain Roundup Rodeo, which is the one time of year when residents can chase, tackle, and tie up animals for pleasure without running afoul of the state's beastiality laws.
Before becoming President, Teddy Roosevelt came to the Dakota territory in 1883 to hunt bison. He left in 1898 to fight in the Spanish-American War because he thought it would be more fun to hunt Spaniards.
Known as "The Small, Friendly German Town on the Dakota Prairie", New Leipzig, North Dakota, hosts an annual Oktoberfest celebration during which it invades and conquers the neighboring city of New Paris.
Every year, New Rockford, North Dakota hosts the Central North Dakota Steam Threshers Reunion, which features a variety of antique farm machinery, some of which is so old that it's actually been used to harvest non-government subsidized crops.
Fort Berthold Community College near New Town, North Dakota, was the first tribally chartered college in North Dakota and offers courses in casino operations and victim-card playing.
Rutland, North Dakota created the World's Largest Hamburger. Over nine thousand people came to sample the nearly two-ton burger, and all of them went home hungry, since Michael Moore was first in line.
Turtle Lake, North Dakota hosts the annual United States Turtle Racing Championship. The losers of the race compete again later in the day during the United States Turtle Soup Cook-off.
Bismark, North Dakota features a statue of Lewis & Clark's Indian guide Sacagewea. She's depicted gazing westward toward the country she helped open, while the baby strapped to her back is shown giving the finger eastward to the country that forced his mom to live on a reservation.
The Lewis & Clark expedition encountered hungry grizzly bears in North Dakota, which is also where they lost their first Indian guide, Snackagewea.
North Dakota's highest point, White Butte, features numerous small piles of rocks. Known as shepherder's monuments, they were piled there by sheepherders as a way to pass the time. Sorta like a primitive version of Microsoft Solitaire.
The International Peace Garden straddles the international boundary between North Dakota and the Canadian province of Manitoba. Like the peace movement itself, it's filled entirely with pansies.
The Fort Union Trading Post in North Dakota was the principal fur-trading site in the region from 1829 to 1867. It was one of the few places in the country where no one would raise an eyebrow upon hearing the phrase "I'm going into town to see if I can trade my beaver for a bottle of whiskey".
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That wraps up the North Dakota edition of Fun Facts About the 50 States. Next week we'll be shopping for discount Drew Carey glasses as we visit Ohio.
Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go head into town to see what I can get for this bottle of whiskey.
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September 13, 2006
Should the podcast return, this is the list from which I'll pick & choose my favorite items to record.
Welcome to Fun Facts About the 50 States. I'm your host, Harvey, and - week by week - I'll be taking you on a tour around this great nation of ours, providing you with interesting - yet completely useless, and probably untrue - information about each of the 50 states.
This week, we'll be singing our way through the cotton harvest as we visit North Carolina. So let's get started...
North Carolina became the 12th state on November, 21st, 1789. Then, as now, it was the nation's leading producer of tobacco products and is the only state in the US whose constitution includes a Surgeon General's warning.
The state song of North Carolina is a wet, hacking cough.
Although Carolina is currently considered a woman's name, North Carolina was actually named for England's King Charles I, since the Latin word "Carolus" means both "Charles" and "mincing poofter girly-man".
In 1903, the Wright Brothers had their first successful airplane flight near Kitty Hawk, North Carolina. Although early flights barely left the ground, they were quite popular among amorous couples seeking to join the "10-foot-high club".
In the early 1700's Beaufort Town, North Carolina was a notorious haven for pirates - cruel, dim-witted men with foul mouths and poor personal hygiene who wouldn't hesitate to use violence to get their way. Rather like hippies, except with bigger boats.
The famous lighthouse at Cape Hatteras, North Carolina had to be moved due to erosion problems, due in large part to endless streams of tourists spitting over the rail of the observation deck.
The state bird of North Carolina is the Cardinal, which I assume was chosen for its red neck.
The Andy Griffith show was set in the fictional town of Mayberry, North Carolina. It was based on an actual city, but to appease the censors, they changed Otis' role to town drunk instead of his real job as Aunt Bea's pimp.
North Carolina's state vegetable is the Sweet Potato, which was chosen by the state's majority population of Sweet Irish.
Harker Island, North Carolina, is home to the annual Core Sound Duck Decoy Festival which boasts more fake but accurate items than a CBS news broadcast.
The WWII battleship North Carolina was preserved as a museum in 1963 as a reminder to the Japs that they should stick to tending goldfish.
The first English Colony in America was at Roanoke Island, North Carolina. The entire population vanished without a trace in 1590, which is not as mysterious as it sounds, since the colony consisted entirely of deadbeat dads.
The state motto of North Carolina is "Esse quam videri", which is Latin for "arrogant basketball snobs".
At nearly 6700 feet, North Carolina's Mount Mitchell is the highest peak east of the Mississippi and is rumored to be the hiding place of the notorious terrorist Bubba bin Laden.
Krispy Kreme Donuts was started in 1937 in Winston-Salem, North Carolina. The donuts are staggeringly popular throughout the US, despite the fact that their name is an obvious euphemism for "stale filling".
The Venus Flytrap is a carnivorous plant which is native to North Carolina. It will eat dead flies, spoiled hamburger, and most other things commonly found in the kitchen at McDonalds.
The first miniature golf course was built in Fayetteville, North Carolina, and was originally invented to appeal to tourists who hate exercise, but really enjoy frustrated cursing.
Babe Ruth hit the first of his record 714 home runs while playing in Fayetteville, North Carolina on March 7, 1914. He also hit his first peanut vendor in the process - his record for that (179) remains unbroken to this day.
The Biltmore Estate in Ashville, North Carolina is America's largest home. Designed by architect Mike Brady, it contains 255 rooms and a single, shared, upstairs bathroom with no toilet.
The first state-owned art museum is located in Raleigh, North Carolina. All modern art exhibits there are limited by law to 1.6 gallons per flush.
North Carolina's Grandfather Mountain is designated by the UN as an "International Biosphere Reserve", which is just a polite way of saying "a place for the French to hide in case they get frightened by a loud noise or something".
The Mile-High Swinging Bridge near Linville, North Carolina, is 5305 feet above sea level. It wasn't originally designed to swing, but that's Union labor for ya.
Pepsi was invented in New Bern, North Carolina in 1898. The secret ingredient in the beverage is a closely-guarded secret, but here's a hint: the beverage was originally called "Peesi".
The town of Wendell, North Carolina, was named for Oliver Wendell Holmes, or possibly for that pale, sickly kid on the Simpsons.
Golfing legend Arnold Palmer started his career playing on the championship golf team of Wake Forest University. He's credited with inventing the "casually kick the ball closer to the hole maneuver" now popularly known as "Palmering".
Born in Fayetteville, North Carolina, in 1822 Hiram Rhoades Revels became the first black member of the US Congress - inexplicably, without Jesse Jackson's help.
17th President Andrew Johnson started out as a tailor's apprentice in Raleigh, North Carolina. He became the first President in American history to be impeached, but was acquitted in his Senate trial, since his crimes DID include lying about diddling an intern.
North Carolina leads the nation in furniture production, and is famous for its leather sofas made from the skins of unlucky NASCAR drivers.
North Carolina was the first state in the US to establish a state symphony orchestra, which consisted of a jug, a washboard, and a washtub bass.
In 1987, North Carolina declared milk to be the official state beverage when the clerk typing up the bill inadvertently misspelled "moonshine".
Born in Charlotte, North Carolina, televangelist Billy Graham - like Osama bin Laden - used the power of modern media to spread his religious message. Fortunately, his followers usually became naggy church ladies instead of suicide bombers.
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That wraps up the North Carolina edition of Fun Facts About the 50 States. Next week we'll be mortified to discover that the people in Fargo really DO sound like those people in the movie, as we visit North Dakota.
Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go join the "10-foothigh club".
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