October 24, 2006
Welcome to Fun Facts About the 50 States. I'm your host, Harvey, and - week by week - I'll be taking you on a tour around this great nation of ours, providing you with interesting - yet completely useless, and probably untrue - information about each of the 50 states.
This week, we'll be visiting the state where, when a man says "mine's bigger", he's talking about his belt buckle, because we're headed to Oklahoma. So let's get started...
Oklahoma was admitted to the union as the 46th state on November 16th, 1907, in order to fill a diversity quota for states that vaguely resemble cookware.
The state flower of Oklahoma is mistletoe. Its berries are deadly poisonous, which is convenient since there's really nothing to live for in Oklahoma, anyway.
Oklahoma's name comes from the Choctaw Indian word "oka-oma", which means "mobile home destroyed by tornado".
The state song of Oklahoma is, as you would expect, the title song from the musical "Oklahoma". Which doesn't make the residents of the state gay. Unless they actually LIKE the song.
The world's first parking meter was installed in Oklahoma City, and was seen as a reasonable alternative to the previous method of controlling parking time - throwing a dead skunk on the hood of the vehicle after 30 minutes.
Although most residents of Vinita, Oklahoma, were pleased to become the first city in the state to receive electricity in 1871, city hall was soon inundated by complaints from citizens who were unable to make their VCR's stop blinking "12:00".
Oklahoma City has an operating oil well on its capitol grounds. Despite numerous attempts to have it removed, Mr. Clampett firmly refuses to sell.
Duncan, Oklahoma is home to a life-size statue of a cattle drive, titled, "I Crap Bigger Than You".
Boise City, Oklahoma was the only city in the US to be bombed during World War II. In 1943, a US B-17 bomber dropped 6 practice bombs on the town as a warning to other cities that were still selling sauerkraut instead of "Liberty Cabbage".
Okmulgee, Oklahoma holds the record for the world's largest pecan pie. It was 60 feet in diameter, and contained over 300,000 pecans, as well as a dozen squirrels who didn't get out of the nut bin in time.
The state motto of Oklahoma is "labor omnia vincit", which means "my brother was an extra in 'Twister'".
Oklahoma residents are known as "Sooners", after the disreputable people who made homestead claims prior to the official start time of noon on April 22nd, 1889. Personally, I don't like the nickname because it makes light of a serious offense. It's like referring to terrorists who blow up children as "baby boomers".
The National Cowboy Hall of Fame is located in Oklahoma City. Whaddya wanna be that Terrell Owens throws a fit because they won't induct him?
Every April, the city of Beaver, Oklahoma, holds the World Championship Cow Chip Throw. It's the one time of year where the phrase "You wanna watch me fling poo?" actually works as a pick-up line.
Sylvan Goldman of Oklahoma City invented the modern shopping cart, enabling the homeless to at last to transport their worldly goods without the use of Sherpas.
Jenks, Oklahoma, is home to more antique stores than any other city, and has more useless, outdated, unworkable items than a Democractic Party platform.
The first capital city of Oklahoma was Guthrie, but it was later moved to Oklahoma City, since no one wanted their state to be associated with a crappy folk singer.
I mean, "You can get anything you want blah, blah, blah" over and over and over. Doesn't that song ever freakin' END?
At over a mile in length, Oklahoma's Pensacola Dam is the world's largest multiple arch dam. In case of leaks, there are emergency repair kits every 1000 feet containing a sponge and a roll of duct tape.
Bob Dunn of Beggs, Oklahoma, invented the world's first electric guitar in 1935, about the same time that his mother coined the phrase "turn that crap down!".
At 287 feet above sea level, Little River, Oklahoma is the lowest point in the state and is reputed to be one of the many low places where Oklahoma native Garth Brooks has friends.
Oklahoma City's WKY was the first radio station to broadcast west of the Mississippi. It's first transmission was "HELP! TORNADO!".
The National Lighter Museum in Guthrie, Oklahoma, contains over 20,000 lighters, the largest collection outside of a Rolling Stones concert.
Oklahoma was the setting for the movie Twister, which proved to be very difficult to shoot, since other tornadoes kept sneaking onto the set and holding up "Hi Mom!" signs.
Antlers, Oklahoma now bills itself as "The Deer Capital of the World" after recieving too many complaints about its previous nickname of "The World's Horniest City".
Oklahoma is one of only two states whose capital cities include the name of the state. The other is New York.
Why yes, I *did* fail geography in high school. How did you know?
The first YIELD sign was installed in Tulsa, Oklahoma, and was generally considered an improvement over the earlier version which simply said "Prepare For Impact".
Oklahoma has more man-made lakes than any other state, most of which are a result of a lack of duct tape at the Pensacola Dam.
Humorist Will Rogers was born in Oologah, Oklahoma, and is best known for his saying, "I never met a man I didn't like". Please note that he died before Michael Moore was born.
Durant, Oklahoma is home to "the world's largest peanut" - a 3-footer. After being informed that Georgia had a 6-foot peanut, Oklahoma renamed theirs "the world's largest peanut - after taxes".
Oklahoma was featured in the book, "The Grapes of Wrath", as well as the sequel, "The Raisins of Petulance".
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That wraps up the Oklahoma edition of Fun Facts About the 50 States. Next week we'll be helping the border patrol beat up on hippies sneaking north from California as we visit Oregon.
Now if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go fling some poo. Anyone wanna watch?
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October 11, 2006
Welcome to Fun Facts About the 50 States. I'm your host, Harvey, and - week by week - I'll be taking you on a tour around this great nation of ours, providing you with interesting - yet completely useless, and probably untrue - information about each of the 50 states.
This week, the natives will be tricking us into believing that buckeyes actually come from the annual shedding of the male deer's eyeballs as we visit Ohio. So let's get started...
Ohio became the 17th state on March 1, 1803 and was originally populated by people who were improperly whacked by the Detroit mob and dumped into Lake Erie.
The state flower of Ohio is the Scarlet Carnation, more popularly known as the flower that cheapskates buy for their ladies instead of roses.
The first ambulance service in the US was started in Cincinnati, Ohio, in 1865 as a method of promoting physical fitness among lawyers.
Cleveland, Ohio is home to America's first traffic light. The idea was borrowed from the French "war light", whose green, red, and yellow signals told French citizens whether to flee, surrender, or collaborate.
Ermal Fraze invented the pop-top can in Kettering, Ohio, which replaced the older, less reliable method of opening cans - outraging a Muslim into suicide-bombing it open for you.
Singer Dean Martin was born in Steubenville, Ohio, and was the last non-Frenchman to sincerely believe that Jerry Lewis was funny.
The cash register was invented in Dayton, Ohio in 1879 by James Ritty. The first model consisted of a locking drawer attached to his wife's cleavage.
"Hang On Sloopy" is the official state rock song of Ohio, which narrowly beat out "Smack My Bitch Up".
Although Ohio's state nickname is the "Buckeye State", long-time residents still prefer the previous nickname of the "Big Red Dangling Nuts State".
Ohio's name comes from an Iroquois Indian word meaning "Lake Erie's on fire again".
Founded in 1869, the Cincinnati Reds were the first professional baseball team. The second professional team wasn't created until 1870, which may explain why the Reds won their first 130 games by forfeit.
Akron, Ohio was the first city to use police cars. Coincidentally, it was also the first city with a donut shop.
Cincinnati was the first city with a full-time professional fire department, originally consisting of 25 Dalmations with bladder-control problems.
Akron, Ohio is the rubber capital of the world, annually producing enough of the material to supply rubber chickens to every crappy prop comic on earth. Or to supply one Carrot Top show.
The American Federation of Labor union was founded in Columbus, Ohio. It offers all the high-quality corrupt thuggery you've come to expect from East Coast unions, but with a pleasant mid-western accent.
At the age of 77, Ohio senator John Glenn became the oldest man to visit outer space aboard the space shuttle Discovery. The ship was grounded for six months afterwards while crews worked around the clock to get the "old person smell" out of it.
Cleveland, Ohio, is the home of the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, which is located across the street from the Alcohol and Drug Abuse Museum.
Ohio is the nation's leading producer of greenhouse and nursery plants. None of which are marijuana. And no, I don't know where you can get any. Now get away from me, you stupid hippy!
Canton, Ohio, is home to the Pro Football Hall of Fame. There's no doubt in my mind that Terrell Owens will make it in there someday - if he stops at the front counter and pays for an adult admission ticket.
Neil Armstrong was born in Wapakoneta, Ohio, and became the first man to walk on the moon. The second man to walk on the moon... eh... who cares about THAT loser!
Born in Dayton, Ohio, the Wright Brothers invented the airplane in 1903. Their accomplishment was was largely ignored until they invented the scantily-clad stewardess in 1905.
Americans have elected seven presidents from the state of Ohio. If we elect three more, we'll get a coupon for a free Speaker of the House.
The hot dog was given its name by concessionaire Harry Stevens of Niles, Ohio, after discovering that people weren't interested in buying his "snouts & sawdust sausages".
50% of the United States population lives within a 500 mile radius of Columbus, Ohio. The other 50% lives with a profound sense of relief.
Charles Kettering of Loudonville, Ohio, invented the automobile self-starter in 1911, which was a huge improvement over the old method of grabbing the engine block while peeing on an electric fence.
Ohio's state flag is the only one of the 50 states' which is a penant shape, rather than rectangular. Sorta like that kid you went to school with who thought that being the only person with a mullet made him cool.
In 1839, Charles Goodyear of Akron, Ohio, developed the process of vulcanizing rubber. Prior to that time, rubber could neither live long nor prosper.
Teflon was invented by Roy Plunkett of New Carlisle, Ohio, in 1938 after he followed a recipe for homemade glue typed up by his dyslexic secretary.
Oberlin College was founded in 1833, with the goal of becoming the first interracial and coeducational college in the US. It took a lot of persuading to get people to part with perfectly good tuition money only to be forced to rub elbows with filthy Irishmen.
Civil War General and US President Ulysses S. Grant was born in Point Pleasant, Ohio. His only notable accomplishments were getting really drunk and killing people. Which means that if Ted Kennedy ever became president, we'd soon have a new portrait on the $50 bill.
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That wraps up the Ohio edition of Fun Facts About the 50 States. Next week we'll be wondering why the musical didn't mention tornadoes and trailer parks as we visit Oklahoma.
Now if you'll excuse me, I've gotta go find an electric fence so I can start my car.
Posted by: Harvey at
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