The IMAO Podcast is still on hiatus, but I have an irresistable urge to finish up the rest of the states in the Fun Facts About The 50 States series, so I'm going to forge ahead - hopefully on a weekly schedule.

Should the podcast return, this is the list from which I'll pick & choose my favorite items to record.

This week, it's time to take a corn-tastic trip to Nebraska, so let's get started...

Nebraska became the 37th state on March 1st, 1867. It would've become a state during the Civil War, but it was fat and wore glasses, so neither side wanted it on their team.

The state flower of Nebraska is goldenrod, which should not be confused with any similarly-sounding James Bond or Austin Powers movies.

The powdered soft drink Kool-Aid was invented in Hastings, Nebraska, and was originally sold by travelling salesmen who would kick down people's doors and shout, "OH YEAH!!!"

The tradition of planting trees on Arbor Day started in Nebraska City, Nebraska as a cheap way of marking the numerous graves of Kool-Aid salesmen.

The state motto of Nebraska is "Corn, college football, and... um... more corn".

40% of the munitions used in WWII had to be manufactured at the Naval Ammunition Depot in Hastings, Nebraska, since the rest of the state was rooting for Hitler.

The world's largest indoor rainforest is the Lied Jungle in Omaha, Nebraska, but it's currently closed to tourists because Daryl Hannah keeps climbing the trees and flinging poo at people.

Nebraska's Ogala aquifer is the world's largest underground water supply. It's estimated to contain about 800 million gallons of water - about the same as Natalie Maines.

Nebraska is the only state in the US with a unicameral (one house) legislature, which is currently evenly divided between the Feed Corn and Sweet Corn Parties.

Nebraska was the first state to complete its segment of the nation's Interstate Highway system, due to its citizens near-insatiable hunger for something to do besides watch the corn grow, i.e. watching concrete solidify.

Nebraska's phenomenal corn production is due to a combination of modern irrigation techniques and good old-fashioned human sacrifice.

The 9-1-1 emergency phone system was first developed in Lincoln, Nebraska as a replacement for their old emergency communications system of having hobbits light signal fires to call the Riders of Rohan.

Nebraska's famous landmark "Chimney Rock" was recently sold to the Pfizer corporation and is now known as "Viagra Point".

Omaha, Nebraska is home to the world's largest coffee pot. While there, remember to tip the world's largest waitress.

Kearny, Nebraska is located exactly halfway between Boston and San Francisco. This does NOT make it homophobic. Don't be so sensitive.

Marlon Brando's mother gave Henry Fonda acting lessons at the Omaha Community Playhouse. Unfortunately, she neglected to give him lessons on raising kids not to be commie-loving traitors.

The world's largest Wooly Mammoth specimen was found in Lincoln County, Nebraska. If its skin were stretched to its full size, it would cover enough area to make a thong for Michael Moore.

The Mutual of Omaha Insurance Company's corporate office has 7 full floors of underground offices, in one of which the Architect awaits Neo.

The Nebraska Cornhuskers college football team made a NCAA record 35 consecutive bowl appearances. 36, if you count the "Still Looking For A Corporate Sponsor - [Your Name Here] Bowl".

The world's first college course about Rush Limbaugh is taught at Nebraska's Bellvue University. Topics include "Barking Moonbats - When To Hang Up" and "Things Not To Take On A Plane".

Nebraska gets its name from the Oto Indian word "nee-ba-sah", meaning "Are you SURE we're not still in Iowa?".

The world's largest porch swing is located in Hebron, Nebraska. It can seat 25 adults, or Michael Moore in a Wooly Mammoth thong.

The Fur Trading Museum is located near Blair, Nebraska. Just take Highway 75 north from Omaha, then follow the wet pelt smell.

The University of Nebraska - Lincoln campus boasts America's largest weight room. It covers 3/4 of an acre and is currently celebrating its second full day of being steroid-free.

Oops... Nevermind...

Nebraska's 1986 Governor's race was the first in the nation to feature two women running against each other. Sadly, the final vote tally was not close enough to trigger the Jello-wrestling tie-breaker.

Buffalo Bill held his first rodeo in North Platte, Nebraska, which - contrary to popular rumor - was NOT catered by Hannibal Lecter.

Father Edward Flanagan founded Boys Town in Omaha, Nebraska, in 1917. To this day, it remains one of the few places in America not infected with girl-cooties.

Dancer Fred Astaire was born in Omaha, Nebraska, although he had to leave the city after Ginger Rogers gave him cooties.

Gerald Ford was born in Omaha, Nebraska, and was the only US President to hold the office without having been elected to it - blatherings by Gore and Kerry to the contrary notwithstanding.

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That wraps up the Nebraska edition of Fun Facts About the 50 States. Next week it's all about the drinkin', gamblin', and whorin', because we're off to Nevada.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go watch some concrete solidify... WOO-HOO!!!

Posted by: Harvey at 05:51 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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The IMAO Podcast is still on hiatus, but I have an irresistable urge to finish up the rest of the states in the Fun Facts About The 50 States series, so I'm going to forge ahead - hopefully on a weekly schedule.

Should the podcast return, this is the list from which I'll pick & choose my favorite items to record.

This week, we'll be finding out what it's like to live 200 miles from your nearest neighbor as we visit Montana, so let's get started...

Montana became the 41st state on November 8th, 1889. It was originally settled by a herd of moose who eventually lost the territory to white settlers in a poker game.

Seems that moose always twitch their antlers when they're bluffing.

The first large-scale vigilante force was formed to police the lawless Montana Territory in 1884. That year, 35 head of cattle were executed for rustling themselves.

Montana's nickname is "The Nervous Sheep State".

It was legal to drink while driving in Montana until October 1, 2005, when the Kennedy Prevention Act was finally passed.

The Bitterroot is the state flower of Montana. The root is so bitter that eating it is actually forbidden by law, lest the person eating it turn into a Democrat.

After years of Montana having no speed limit on its highways, it was finally set at 65mph in 1999, effectively killing the state's antelope drag-racing industry.

In Butte, Montana, it's legal to shoot anyone who deliberately mispronounces the city's name and giggles.

Montana is believed to have the largest grizzly bear population in the US, although the number may include some of the local women who were counted by mistake.

The state song of Montana is "What's That Bear Doing In The Woods?"

Montana gets its name from the Spanish word for "moose chalupa".

The state tree of Montana is the Ponderosa Pine, which has a much better salad bar than the Bonanza Pine.

The state bird of Montana is the Meadowlark, which terroizes the skies above the state's human residents much as their prehistoric pteradactyl ancestors did.

The Montana Yogo Sapphire is the only North American gem included in the Crown Jewels of England, except for the Texas Yee Haw Diamond.

In 1888, Helena, Montana, had more millionaires per capita than any other city in the world. In 1889, God sent a plague of elk to devour them all for their sinful ways.

The population density of Montana is 6 people per square mile. About the same as a Dixie Chicks concert.

The first bobsled track in North America was built at Lolo Pass, Montana in 1965 in the hopes that it would enable the American Olympic team to finally defeat those feisty Jamaicans.

Combination, Comet, Keystone, and Pony are some of the quaintly-named Montana ghost towns from which the Brady Bunch have successfully escaped.

Virginia City, Montana was founded in 1863 and has remained completely unchanged for the last 100 years, much like the Democratic Party.

The highest point in Montana is Granite Peak, which stands 12,799 feet tall, give or take a mountain goat.

The world's largest glacier is in Montana's Glacier National Park, where it has been carefully preserved inside the world's largest glass of Scotch.

Glacier National Park also boasts the world's most elaborate security system, which was specifically designed to keep Ted Kennedy out.

The mountains of Montana have yielded a treasure trove of prehistoric artifacts over the years, including dinosaur eggs, and a speech by Howard Dean from his sane period.

The Battle of Little Bighorn National Monument is located just south of Billings, Montana, and marks the spot where General Custer and his men were slaughtered by Plains Indians for not tipping their waitresses at the casino.

The "Going to the Sun Road" in Glacier Park, Montana, is considered one of the most scenic drives in America, second only to New Jersey's "Toxic Waste Trail".

The state motto of Montana is "Oro y Plata" - meaning "gold and silver" - which was selected in 1890 by then-governor Yukon Cornelius.

In Montana, the elk, deer, and antelope populations outnumber the humans, but they are not allowed to vote because of Apartheid.

To this day, Nelson Mandelka remains a political prisoner in Billings.

The Roe River near Great Falls, Montana, is the world's shortest river. At 58 feet, it's 10 feet shorter than the drool-trail left typically left by Michael Moore while entering a McDonald's.

Motorcyle daredevil Evel Knievel was born in Butte, Montana. Despite his many legendary stunts, he never did manage to make it across Springfield Gorge on his skateboard.

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That wraps up the Montana edition of Fun Facts About the 50 States. Next week we'll likely be murdered by feral Corn-Children as we visit Nebraska.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to get a Moose Chalupa.

Posted by: Harvey at 02:47 PM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
Post contains 865 words, total size 5 kb.

The IMAO Podcast is still on hiatus, but I have an irresistable urge to finish up the rest of the states in the Fun Facts About The 50 States series, so I'm going to forge ahead - hopefully on a weekly schedule.

Should the podcast return, this is the list from which I'll pick & choose my favorite items to record.

This week, it's time throw empty Bud cans at those pathetic Royals, because we're headed to Missouri, so let's get started...

Missouri became the 24th state on August 10th, 1821. It was originally admitted to the Union as a "slave" state, but eventually exchanged slavery for the slightly-less-evil institution of Country music.

The state bird of Missouri is the Bluebird, which - unlike its cousin, the Swallow - CAN fly while grasping a coconut by the husk.

Missouri has the second best educational system in the U.S. It WOULD be first, but for the fact that they fail to teach their kids that there's no "r" in "wash".

Missouri was named after the Missouri indian tribe, whose name means "seriously, there's no 'ah' at the end... idiots..."

Missouri's nickname is "The Pronouncing Invisible Letters State".

The state flag of Missouri originally only featured two bears on it. A third, smaller bear was later added to make the flag "juuuuuust right".

Missouri's license plates contain the motto "Show Me". They should not be confused with Louisiana's license plates, which say "Show Me Your Boobs".

Baseball coach Yogi Berra was born in St. Louis, Missouri, and is famous for his quaint, mixed-metaphor sayings, like "It ain't over till the clip's empty".

The state insect of Missouri is the honeybee, which is usually served deep-fried and sprinkled on waffles.

The crinoid became Missouri's state fossil after a group of students at Lee's Summit high school conducted an experiment to see how much is costs to bribe a state legislature.

Ten thousand dollars, a case of whiskey, and a dozen hookers, if you're curious.

The capitol building in Jefferson City, Missouri burned to the ground in 1911 after being struck by lightning during an attempt to make a DeLorean travel through time.

Kansas City, Missouri, has more miles of boulevards than Paris, but fewer German armies have marched down them.

The Gateway Arch is located in St. Louis, Missouri, and was originally the symbol for the now-defunct NcDonald's restaurant chain.

Aunt Jemima Pancake Flour was invented in St. Joseph, Missouri, and was the first commercially successful self-rising flour. It was followed by the less-well-received "Uncle Tom Cake Mix" and "Jungle Bunny Pie Crust".

Springfield, Missouri, was founded by a group of tourists who got lost on the way to Branson.

Carthage, Missouri, is home to the Precious Moments Chapel, a museum filled with adorable porcelain bisque figurines of big-eyed children, featuring such titles as "Mommy's Been Drinking Again" and "Please, Daddy, Not The Belt!"

Weldon Springs, Missouri, is the site of the Nuclear Waste Adventure Trail and Museum. While there, be sure to try the Paint Chip Nachos.

The "Elvis is Alive Museum" can be found in Wright City, Missouri. It's conveniently located between the "Al Gore Won" and "Michael Moore Would Recognize Truth If It Jumped Up And Bit Him In the Ass" Museums.

Black inventor George Washington Carver was born in Diamond Grove, Missouri, and is proof that black people used to be able to become famous for something other than sports and political activism.

President Harry S Truman was born in Lamar, Missouri. The "S" stands for "so let's nuke the Japs".

Rush Limbaugh was born in Cape Girardeau, Missouri, where he got his start in radio by beating up liberal talk show hosts and stealing their lunch money.

Author Mark Twain was born in Florida, Missouri, where the rumors of his death are no longer greatly exaggerated.

Outlaw Jesse James was born in Centerville, Missouri, and was known as "the most dangerous man in America". At least until Rush Limbaugh got his first radio job.

Iced tea was invented at the St. Louis World's Fair in 1904 as a method of frightening away the stuffy and annoying British tourists.

Seriously... what's the point of hot tea, anyway? It's like drinking boiled Kool-Aid.

The ice cream cone was also invented at the 1904 World's Fair, after an ice cream vendor discovered that all of his paper cups had been destroyed by a mysterious virus.

Probably of British origin.

Anheuser-Busch of St. Louis, Missouri, is the world's largest brewery. In 1872, they patented their secret formula for "Alco-swill", which was later re-named "Budweiser" for marketing reasons.

Robert Wadlow - who was the world's tallest man at 8 feet 11 inches - was born in St. Louis, Missouri. His "Where's Wadlow" line of children's books was a dismal failure.

"Wild Kingdom" host Marlin Perkins was born in Carthage, Missouri. He gained fame documenting his travels around the world as he searched for new and exotic toppings for Imo's Pizza.

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That wraps up the Missouri edition of Fun Facts About the 50 States. Next week we'll be redlining down 7,000 miles of copless interstates as we tour Montana.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go grab me a can of Alco-swill.

Hey... it's after 5pm somewhere...

Posted by: Harvey at 06:21 AM | Comments (13) | Add Comment
Post contains 933 words, total size 6 kb.

The IMAO Podcast is still on hiatus, but I have an irresistable urge to finish up the rest of the states in the Fun Facts About The 50 States series, so I'm going to forge ahead - hopefully on a weekly schedule.

Should the podcast return, this is the list from which I'll pick & choose my favorite items to record.

This week, it's time get stinkin' drunk, float down the Big Muddy, and wash up on a sandbar with a hangover, because we're headed to Mississippi, so let's get started...

Mississippi became the 20th state on December 10th 1817. Although the new state's entry faced violent opposition, it managed to get admitted to the Union since people with lisps did not yet have the right to vote.

Mississippi has 82 counties, all of which have at least one town named "Bubbaville".

The state flag of Mississippi is best described as a combination of the Confederate and French flags. Don't count on them to win any wars for you.

Talk show host Oprah Winfrey was born in Kosciusko, Mississippi. The world's largest couch was built there in her honor, just in case Tom Cruise stops by.

Chitlins were first served in Shuqulah, Mississippi, which - I assume - is home to a disproportionate population of the hopelessly insane.

Mississippi gets its name from the Chippewa Indian word "mici-zibi", which means "River's flooding again... WHY do these stupid white people keep rebuilding here?"

Mississippi has a population of 3 million people and 6 million teeth.

Singer Elvis Presley was born in Tupelo, Mississippi. Does anyone else find it ironic that he once had a hit song about shoes?

In a fight between Aquaman & someone from Mississippi, the Mississippian would lose, but he'd write a great blues song about the fight that would make millions.

Most people from Mississippi have several Confederate flag sticker on their cars. This doesn't make them racist, it just means that they're too poor to afford enough duct tape to hold their cars together.

If you're in Mississippi and someone tries to mug you, just yell, "Look! Snow!". The mugger will become paralyzed with confusion and you can make your escape.

Although Mississippi is frequently the 50th ranked state in quality of education, it IS ranked #1 in the category of "boosting self-esteem for students in the other 49 states".

The world's largest Bible-binding plant is in Greenwood, Mississippi, and uses only genuine atheist-skin leather.

...And people wonder why I've never been to Mississippi...

The Stetson hat was invented in Dunn's Falls, Mississippi, which is constantly being attacked by Texas Crusaders seeking to recapture their holy city.

Football player Walter "Sweetness" Payton was born in Columbia, Mississippi, and was the first athlete to appear simultaneously on boxes of "Wheaties", "Gritties", and "Chitlinies" cereals.

Petal, Mississippi is home to the International Checkers Hall of Fame. Requirements for induction include winning a tournament on a 5-jump, double-king combo move, and appearing on a "Chitlinies" box.

The Vicksburg National Cemetary is the largest national cemetary in America. Some people say that the Arlington National Cemetary is larger, but it's stuffed with all them damn Yankees, so it doesn't really count.

Legendary Football quarterback Brett Favre was born in Kiln, Mississippi. He's reputed to be able to throw a football hard enough to break a receiver's fingers, but he only does that if the guy's late with his protection money payment.

Singer Jimmy Buffett was born in Pascagoula, Mississippi, but was banished after all the town's salt-shakers mysteriously disappeared.

It was his own damn fault.

Mississippi is the only state in America that doesn't offer personalized license plates. The state's DMV figures it's not worth it, since no one can read those big ol' 6-letter words, anyway.

The fried peanut butter and banana sandwich was invented in Tupelo, Mississippi by Elvis Presley in 1945. He never patented his invention, and died in bankrupt obscurity in 1977.

It is NOT true that the Governor of Mississippi is chosen as a result of being the victor in a greased-pig-catching contest. They don't actually grease the pig.

Actor James Earl Jones was born in Arkabutla, Mississippi, but soon moved to Coruscant to complete his Sith training.

Mississippi has the lowest percentage of high school graduates in America, since the graduation exam requires students to spell the state's name without using the words "crooked-letter" or "humpback".

During a hunting expedition to Mississippi in 1902, President Teddy Roosevelt refused to shoot a captured bear. This act resulted in the creation of the world-famous stuffed animal, the "Stupid Yankee Bear".

In 1807, Aaron Burr was arraigned for treason in Washington, Mississippi, beneath the Burr Oaks. Optimists in the city have since planted a grove of Jane Fonda Oaks, just in case.

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That wraps up the Mississippi edition of Fun Facts About the 50 States. Next week we'll get tricked into whitewashing fences by Tom Sawyer when we visit Missouri.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go pour me a big ol' bowl of Chitlinies for breakfast.

Posted by: Harvey at 07:00 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 900 words, total size 5 kb.