September 10, 2005
My unsullied and divinely inspired artistic vision appears below...
Welcome to Fun Facts About the 50 States. I'm your host, Harvey, and - week by week - I'll be taking you on a tour around this great nation of ours, providing you with interesting yet completely useless and probably untrue, information about each of the 50 states.
This week, grab your racing gear because we're headed to Indiana, so let's get started...
Indiana became the 19th state on December 11th, 1816. It's residents are nicknamed "Hoosiers", which is a Chippewa Indian word meaning "What the hell does that word mean?"
The city of Gary, Indiana was named after Gary Coleman, and is populated entirely by black midgets.
Singer Michael Jackson was born in Gary, Indiana, but was eventually exiled from the city for being too tall and too white.
The state bird of Indiana is Larry
Natives of Indiana are the only people in the US who can say "French Lick" or "Ball State" without giggling.
Beaver City, however, makes EVERYONE snicker.
Actor James Dean was born in Marion, Indiana, but soon left the state, as all cool things do.
Indiana is SO boring that people will actually PAY MONEY to watch other people drive around in circles. No wonder James Dean left.
Crazed socialist nutjob and vocal World War I protestor Eugene V. Debs was born in Terre Haute, Indiana. He was sorta like an early version of Jane Fonda, except less skanky.
The state of Indiana was once 80% forest, but over the years has lost 3/4 of its trees to hordes of plundering Amish furniture-makers.
Indiana is home to the Indianapolis Motor Speedway, which - with relative safety - combines public drunkenness and reckless driving.
25% of people in Indiana are of German extraction, leading to occasional blitzkriegs into Ohio and Illinois.
Indiana has more covered bridges than any other state, mostly so that the bridges don't go around flaunting their sexuality and frightening the Amish.
Some of the more rural parts of Indiana only accept farm animals as currency. However, a lot of the small-town general stores DO take MasterCow.
Although people in northern Indiana must contend with long, harsh winters, at least they're safe from the cruel assault of bluegrass festivals that plague the southern part of the state.
The state flag of Indiana consists of a solid blue background with a flaming torch surrounded by 19 stars. This celebrates the state's historical tradition of burning Indian villages to steal land for white people.
The state flower of Indiana is the peony which - being large, pink, round, and smelly - perfectly represents the people of the state.
The city of Santa Claus, Indiana has a 20-foot statute of the jolly old elf at the outskirts of the town, which is usually covered in graffiti by gangs from the nearby cities of Grinch and Scrooge.
Indiana has only 40 miles of shoreline along Lake Michigan, most of which is covered by the corpes of people who hired non-union labor which wash in from Chicago.
The highest point in Indiana is only 1200 feet above sea level. Geographically speaking, if Indiana were a woman, it'd be Olive Oyl.
Traditionally, Jewish people in Indiana wear yarmulkes made out of used Indy Car tires.
Well... they WOULD... if there were actually any Jews in Indiana.
Indiana's state tourism motto is "Hope you brought something to do."
The city of Peru, Indiana was known as the "Circus Capital of America" until 1952 when it was wiped out by an epidemic of Mad Clown Disease.
South Bend, Indiana is home to Notre Dame College. Their nickname - The Fighting Irish - is considered offensive by some, but it's still better than previous nicknames such as the Brawling Bog-Trotters and the Surly Spud-Munchers.
Stainless steel was invented in Kokomo, Indiana by Elwood Haynes in a desperate bid to get his wife to stop naggging him to "polish the damn silverware!".
Singers Axl Rose and John Cougar Mellencamp are both natives of Indiana. In a knife fight between Rose and Mellencamp, bet on the guy with the most tattoos.
That wraps up the Indiana edition of Fun Facts About the 50 States. Next week I'll be making three solid minutes of corn jokes because we're headed to Iowa.
Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go put fifty bucks on Axl Rose.
Posted by: Harvey at
03:29 PM
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