Which got me thinking... Beloved Wife TNT of Smiling Dynamite does NOT nag.
She does, however, "remind".
And pretty much every time she does, I find myself getting irritated.
And I have no idea why.
It's not like she's hitting me with a rolling pin at the time, or speaking in some gawdawful Gladys Kravitz voice, so it shouldn't cause me any discomfort.
To my own credit, I don't snap back at her, and I reply with an acquiessive "Yes, dear", because I *know* my reaction is inappropriate and needs to be squelched. Yet I always rankle a little at queries about my to-do list, as if she were questioning my competence to function as an adult.
I'm puzzled about this, and so I ask - is there a way for a wife to give "reminders" that ISN'T irritating, or is this just a permanent skirmish in the battle of the sexes?
1
There will NEVER be a way for women/wife/other to give reminders where the man doesn't get irritated. And if there is, I WANNA KNOW TOO!
I remind Hubby by email. We share a calendar in Outlook, so I put in reminders and email them to him in the next room. It automatically goes onto his calendar.
He doesn't have to say 'yes, dear' or hide irritation at me, I get to remind him without the irritation.
For us, it's a win/win situation.
Posted by: Rave at March 16, 2006 07:04 AM (Fir0Z)
2
reminders with kisses or other sexual favors? No wait, that would only continue the need to be reminded . . . I'm fresh out!
Posted by: oddybobo at March 16, 2006 07:56 AM (6Gm0j)
3
Damn, this is an unexpected side of you, Harv.
Posted by: og at March 16, 2006 07:59 AM (N95T8)
4
Do you remind her of things she needs to do?
But, smart-ass question aside, the correct solution is to be proactive. You should provide her with an update as to the status of the items on your to-do list before she asks.
Or, if she asks, provide a status then.
In the first case - being proactive - you have eliminated the question and satiated the curiosity of "have you forgotten about this?"
In the second - rather than answering "yes dear", but provide a status (e.g. "That store was packed with people so I'll stop there tomorrow at a different time.") - You have satisfied the curiosity as well, just after the fact.
...
Three follow-up comments:
-- AdVice is one of the worst vices there is.
-- Free advice is worth every penny.
-- Taking relationship advice from a person who isn't married may not be worth the penny you paid.
Posted by: _Jon at March 16, 2006 08:03 AM (uHRYR)
5
*hey, when DH got home from work last night I asked him "the question"...
I got his favorite thing wrong....HA
although I won't make mention of it...
least favorite, he is well trained and did not answer
Posted by: armywifetoddlermom at March 16, 2006 08:12 AM (rGu1V)
6
the good news is "I got DH favorite thing about me wrong
*wink*
DH well trained enought not to answer least favorite.
Posted by: armywifetoddlermom at March 16, 2006 08:15 AM (rGu1V)
7
_Jon - yes, I do remind her sometimes, but she just takes it as me showing interest in her activities and showing that I care, which - I assume - is a typical female reaction, and the reason why women are puzzled by men's grumpy reactions to "reminders".
Posted by: Harvey at March 16, 2006 09:11 AM (ubhj8)
8
Nope. It will always bother you when you're reminded. Why? Because it reminds you that you failed.
Seriously. If you did what you knew you were supposed to do, there'd be no need for a reminder. You DIDN'T do it, so you're being reminded -- and at the same time, quite often unintentionally, told that you failed.
If you didn't get annoyed, I'd worry.
Posted by: Ogre at March 16, 2006 09:25 AM (/k+l4)
9
Heh - the problem isn't that I failed, the problem is that SHE NOTICED that I failed :-D
Posted by: Harvey at March 16, 2006 09:30 AM (ubhj8)
10
I will every once in awhile ask him if he's did something that I know he has already done and then when he says yes I make a big deal out of it with lots of praise. So it makes the "nagging" about doing things that haven't been done a little less "nagging".
Positive reinforement is the answer to almost everything.
Posted by: Machelle at March 16, 2006 10:25 AM (ZAyoW)
11
Hmmm, that reminds me,,,,
The new permenent heating and air conditioner filters that I bought are just about ripe and ready to be cut to size and installed. I'd better get to it before Linda Lou beminds me.
Posted by: Peter at March 16, 2006 11:14 AM (BaUHe)
12
Usually when I get "reminded", it sends a cringe right through me. Two reasons. One, Damnit, I forgot somethin'. Two, Damnit, she didn't.
Rarely does it work the "other way 'round", and if it does, it's your fault she forgot. Trust me on that last one...
Posted by: RedNeck at March 16, 2006 06:15 PM (tSJ8V)
13
Unless its something really really important, I don't remind. I try not to give him a 'to do' list at all. If something needs to be done, I just do it.
I will 'remind' him for real about a commitment, but I don't think that's what you're getting at. I'll say, "Remember, the boys have ball practice tonight..."
Posted by: Bou at March 16, 2006 06:52 PM (iHxT3)
14
I've learned to ignore the reminders.
Posted by: Contagion at March 16, 2006 08:28 PM (e8b4J)
15
Why does this sound like women training their dogs?
'Fetch!' 'Good Boy!' 'You get a bone!'
And why is it that women remember these things, men don't? I think I'll have to blog about that...
Posted by: Rave at March 17, 2006 07:27 AM (Fir0Z)
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