Bloggrandson Neonangel of Lyrical Coma is busy wrestling with the personal how & why of blogging. This is one of those times when I wish I had some wise grandfatherly advice to give, but in this case, I come up empty. All I can do is offer some ruminations on my own experience.

When I first started blogging I had no definite goal in mind. Some theories & notions, perhaps, but outside of some graffitti currency, I never knew what I was going to say from one day to the next. I hoped it would be something profound that other people would care about, but most of my thoughts were being expressed better by megabloggers, so even on good days I battled feelings of failure.

But I kept at it anyway - mostly to amuse myself. What I didn't realize at the time was that that was enough.

The magic of blogging is NOT that you'll make a big change in the entire world, it's that you'll make a small change in one other person, usually without intending to.

For example, what Neonangel wrote in his post wasn't deep or profound, but it was REAL. And that's enough. Because what happens from there is that one (or more) of his "2 readers" will see what he's written and say, "Wow. Someone else feels like that, too. I thought I was the only one. I don't feel so alone anymore."

And so it goes. Day by day, in isolated increments, blogging transfers his soul into pixels. And day by day, someone else reads it and doesn't feel alone. It's a slow thing. Painfully slow. And there are empty hours of futile struggle to be fought through. There will be times when it doesn't seem worth the effort. If you've never seriously considered deleting your entire blog at some point and calling it quits, you're not a real blogger. Yes, that includes me. On several occasions I've thought, "Screw this. F*** everybody. I've got nothing. I'm done."

However, within 24 hours of this thought, Bosco inevitably grabs my skull and shakes it like a maraca, giving me the choice to blog or go mad. Creativity - and, indeed, the urge (need) to blog itself - comes in cycles. Know this, and keep it in mind during the low points. You WILL rise again.

On the other hand, there is also the possibility that maybe blogging really ISN'T for you. That fact that you even took the time to start a blog indicates differently, but that's only an indication, not a guarantee. You have to be honest enough to ask yourself, "Should I have a blog?" and consider the possibiltiy that the answer might be "no".

But I don't think it is.

Because, Neonangel, you have talent as a writer. Your can put your thoughts and ideas into coherant paragraphs to express yourself. If you'll take a peek around at some of the blogs at the bottom of the Ecosystem, you'll see that gift you so blithely take for granted is fairly scarce. Don't discount its rarity or value.

Then again, maybe self doubt isn't the problem. Maybe it's doubting the good intentions of others. You're putting yourself out there on-line, baring your soul, naked and defenseless, and what if someone takes a shot at you?

I'll be honest. It's going to happen. Sooner or later, some troll is going to crap in your comments with crude personal invective. At that point you'll have to decide whether it's worth it to keep going. Chances are, you'll decide that one fool's uneducated opinion isn't worth giving up something that makes you happy, and you'll be a stronger, better person for the decision.

You may also find that good people will rally to your side in such a situation, and discover that you had more and better friends than you thought you did.

But you'll never find that out until it happens.

So I say keep going. What you'll discover along the way - about yourself and other people - will make the trip worthwhile.

Don't stop.

Posted by: Harvey at 11:08 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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