GUYS, I NEED A LITTLE HELP WITH THIS ONE
Bloggranddaughter Rave of Quic Nunc
asks this question:
[My 15-year old son] has decided that it's fun to sneak out of the house at midnight.....
[snip]
Now, he did not have glassy eyes or smell of weed, which is good. But it doesn't clear him, by any means.
[snip]
WHY does he do this? I am not a 15 yr old male. I don't know what's going through his head.
Short answer - because it's fun.
As a former 15 yr old male, I confess that I occasionally snuck out after midnight. Sometimes not even for criminal purposes.
If I remember correctly, it had to do with the solitude. I knew the whole world was asleep, and no one was going to see me walking around. I lived in a small town that rolled up the sidewalks at 9pm, so this might not be applicable to Rave's case.
Traipsing about in the wee hours, there's nothing but you, your thoughts, and a sky filled with stars. No people, no distractions. It was a good time to contemplate who I was and what was going on in my life without worrying about being interrupted by an inquisitive parent.
Plus the added thrill of doing something forbidden.
As for what to do about it... I have no advice. I think it's just one of those "straining against the leash" phases. All I can say is that if you don't hold the line on this, he'll just find another boundary to test. Make a fuss about it to his face, but inwardly, be relieved that it's just a growing pain.
If any other former 15 yr old males have more insight, please share.
Posted by: Harvey at
09:43 AM
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1
I skipped those years, myself. But I'll weigh in with the "thrill of doing something forbidden" -- that's a BIG reason for doing SO many things for the adolecent male.
Posted by: Ogre at March 03, 2006 10:26 AM (/k+l4)
2
I will agree with Harvey on this one. My son and his friend used to do this.
(A little background: Once we moved from our house where he grew up - he stuck stubbornly to his friends in the old neighborhood - so nearly every weekend his friend was at our house or he was down there.)
Anyhow - It drove me straight up the wall. For one thing they would leave the doors unlocked all night... so I always knew. I told them they were going to get picked up for breaking curfew and I would let them sit in jail and rot. I told his friend's mom what they were doing and she tried to drill it into their heads too...
The big thing I pulled out was - if anything was going down in the neighborhood and they were picked up outside at that time of night - they were going to catch the blame - whether or not they had done anything. (note big eye rolls by both boys)
Yeah, stand your ground - as Harvey says - if you let this go - they'll try something bigger and better. Testing the limits is a teen thing. You don't want all out war - but they have to know when they've hit a boundary.
Also, I could pull the plug on him having his friend over for the weekend or letting him go anywhere. Teens will make anyone stark staring mad - they only make it through those years by sheer luck of this I am sure.
Posted by: Teresa at March 03, 2006 11:20 AM (FZwDL)
3
Get his ass up at 6am and don't let him take a nap.
By midnight he'll be passed out.
Oh, and no Dew or Bull after 6pm.
You can also try the "future privelages" negotiation:
- Explain that after he gets his driver's license, he's gonna want to borrow the car. If he gives up the sneaking out now, then borrowing the car next year is possible (assuming grades stay up). Don't threaten with "If you go out, you'll never be able to borrow the car." You'd be full of shit and he'll know it. Leave the threat unsaid.
If you don't have a car for him to borrow, substitute for something else. Like molesting the cat, I dunno.
Posted by: _Jon at March 03, 2006 12:50 PM (g9Y9+)
4
I have no advice. It's 2AM and I just uncovered the clothes piled on Daredevil's bed. I have no idea where my son is. He is 18 now, so whatever happens is on his shoulders. But, I hate sitting here scared to death waiting for the phone to ring.
Posted by: Sticks at March 04, 2006 01:09 AM (3cQ89)
5
Oh yeah, my friends and I used to do it all the time. We'd get up and sneak around the neighborhood. Mostly seeing how long before someone saw us and called the cops. Then it was a game to see if we could get back to the house and get inside before being caught. We never were.
And looking back I'm not sure why it was fun. I think the worse thing we ever did was toss tomatos at passing cars on a nearby road.
None of our parents really laid down the law on us, although I know at least some of them knew. I think they just realized it was just us being stupid and if we got arrested we knew it was our ass.
Posted by: Kevin at March 04, 2006 01:53 AM (Nmxi6)
6
I remember when one of my friends slept over back when I was about 15. We snuck out to run around the neighborhood with another kid, and when we got back, discovered that my dad had come home from working late after we had left, and locked the house up for the night. We had to ring the doorbell to get back in.
Posted by: Patriot Xeno at March 04, 2006 07:43 AM (z4SP5)
7
I lived in the middle of nowhere when I was 15. Of course I still live in the middle of nowhere, but now its because I hate people. Anyway, I never sneaked out after midnight. As far as why he is sneaking out, it could be he thinks he is tough enough to take on the world. Tell him, the doors will be locked by midnight and they will not unlock until you get up. If he wants to sneak out, he had better be prepared to stay out all night and be grounded for a couple of months when you do let him back in. He will probably rail against you for denying him what he wants. But, better he gets it into his head now that bad things happen when you sneak out without telling anyone than to sneak out and suddenly find himself on a milk carton.
Posted by: Deathknyte at March 05, 2006 01:04 AM (LJfQq)
8
LOL- you guys are too funny.
Locking the door after midnight didn't even occur to me! (I just wanted to take all his clothes out of his room...)
Thanks for the advice!
Posted by: Rave at March 05, 2006 08:41 AM (Fir0Z)
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