Bloggranddaughter Irish Pixie of Pixie Dust Productions is riding the pregnancy train. As a happily childless man, I should know better than to get involved in this discussion, but Pixie brought it on herself by mentioning:

Speaking of names. I like-

Boy- Aidan Connor
Girl- Dakota Rayne or Dakota Leigh

Your baby, your call, but I'd highly recommend avoiding names found at this site.

Here's where the 3-part alphabetical list can be found if you want to do a quick check of your choices.

Rules of thumb:

Boys - Use more consonants than vowels.
Girls - Don't name her after a state that's west of the Mississippi.

Check this site to find something slightly less hip & trendy.

Don't let your boy to be the 7th Aiden in his graduating class.

Posted by: Harvey at 08:11 AM | Comments (7) | Add Comment
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1 Too true, Harvey. And good advice. But I'll tell you - it's easy to get caught up in the drama of trying to find just the perfect name for someone you've never met....

Posted by: Richmond at June 29, 2006 10:03 AM (e8QFP)

2 I hear ya... I've watched soap operas & reality shows... I know how it can happen :-)

Posted by: Harvey at June 29, 2006 10:07 AM (L7a63)

3 heh. When I read "Dakota Rayne" aloud to my husband, he thought she wanted to name the baby "Decoder Ring"

Posted by: caltechgirl at June 29, 2006 12:47 PM (Armyk)

4 Any relation to "Fargo North: Decoder"? :-) http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Electric_Company#Regular_sketches

Posted by: Harvey at June 29, 2006 12:52 PM (L7a63)

5 hehehe.... My kids all have names starting with M....not that I planned it that way until the third one was born... ..now when I yell at one of them, I end up calling out the wrong name! I've started going to numbers....hey #1- Hey 2, You- #3 Or just by their nicknames...Boy, Little Man & Girlie. Why do we have to name them anyway? Parents call their kids by their nicknames usually anyway- so why can't we just let them grow up and pick out their own name?

Posted by: Rave at June 29, 2006 02:58 PM (Fir0Z)

6 "why can't we just let them grow up and pick out their own name?" They will, once I get them to start their own blogs ;-)

Posted by: Harvey at June 29, 2006 09:46 PM (L7a63)

7 A few names I've run across in my work with teenagers: Previous (always wondered if the next child was named Latter or something similar) Princess (siblings were all given normal names) A'Piffani (pronounced like epiphany) Ray-Vun (Ray - vahn) There are probably many more, but I think my subconcious has blocked the more evil children.

Posted by: LadyGunn at July 01, 2006 09:37 PM (3ieDU)

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Paul of Snooze Button Dreams offers serious & practical advice regarding good (and bad) things to do at a business meeting to keep it from being a waste of your time.

If my job involved meetings, I would keep a copy of this in my wallet.

Posted by: Harvey at 08:34 AM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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Bloggranddaughter Rave of Quid Nunc has a son with a fresh driver's license, and she's seeking advice from other moms on how to quell her rising tide of inner panic.

Well, I don't have any advice for her, but I *do* have some advice for the boy.

Since this advice is coming from a guy, he might even take it:

1) Always assume that every other driver you see hasn't noticed you, and is just about to do something incredibly dumb - probably right in front of you - and leave yourself enough room to avoid it.

In any traffic situation, there are 3 ways out: swerve left, swerve right, and stop. Make sure you have at least one available.

Always.

No exceptions.

2) Always wear your seatbelt. There's a reason that a racecar driver can smash his car in a 150mph fiery rollover and walk away without a scratch. Notice that they don't rely on airbags.

Please also notice that the steering column is aimed directly at your chest. If you have a head-on collision while unbuckled (I know YOU'D never cross the center line, but see #1 above), it will crush your heart between your sternum and your spine, and you will die.

3) If one or more of your friends is in the car and refuses to put on their seatbelt, tell them you aren't going anywhere until they buckle up. Just say that they're perfectly welcome to die in a car crash if they want, but not while riding in YOUR car, because you don't want to have to pay the increased insurance rates.

4) The preceding advice assumes that you want to live. If you don't, then please don't drive.

Posted by: Harvey at 07:57 AM | Comments (11) | Add Comment
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In the comments to this post on relationships, Richmond of One For The Road made this suggestion:

a date -- a real honest-to-God date once in a while would be nice

Yes, but HOW once in a while? Once a week? Every other Wednesday? Any day that ends in a 0 or 5?

Guys can happily follow instructions, if they're SPECIFIC instructions.

Of course, once orders are issued, then the lady feels like her man's only doing it because he HAS to, and it spoils the effect.

I suppose fellas should just ask themselves "have I gone out of my way to make my wife feel especially loved in the last 7 days?"

If the answer is "no", get hopping.

And keep track of it on a secret calendar so that the wife doesn't find out that you have a schedule - which would destroy the illusion of sponteneity and undo all your hard work.

Posted by: Harvey at 07:45 AM | Comments (7) | Add Comment
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1 I had a post, but erased it.... Men follow directions. Women want surprises. It's the difference between an inney and an outtie.... ...and the only way they will meet is when they are pushing towards each other, hard, fast and Oh-never mind!

Posted by: Rave at June 19, 2006 08:23 AM (Fir0Z)

2 I'm more proactive. If I feel like I'm being neglected I'll do more than just say something (afterall, I'm 50% of the equation). I'll simply make tentative plans, like getting tickets to a sporting event in some city where there's also things we can do that interests me too. I'll ask beloved how he feels about the plans and/or maybe ask him if he'd like to do something else just as fun. If none of that works, then I'll fall back on something to peak their interest and hold their attention. Nagging never ever accomplishes anything. Besides, if I wanted a lap dog I could easily go to the pet store and buy one.

Posted by: at June 19, 2006 08:43 AM (FJ2Bh)

3 "Men follow directions. Women want surprises." Yeah... that about sums it up :-)

Posted by: Harvey at June 19, 2006 09:41 AM (L7a63)

4 good advice. /manual trackback

Posted by: wRitErsbLock at June 19, 2006 11:26 AM (MWyhW)

5 Pan just programs the "surprises" in his watch, pda and computer. Then when they pop up, he surprises me. Kind of an unscheduled schedule.

Posted by: Tink at June 19, 2006 12:13 PM (8ztv6)

6 It's funny- as a female, I would like spontaneity- but it's really not that important. As an individual- I don't like to rely on anyone for my happiness. Truth be told, that's all up to me anyway. I've said it before- I'll say it again; "Happiness is a state of mind, not a destination."

Posted by: Rave at June 19, 2006 12:15 PM (Fir0Z)

7 Good advice, Harvey. Very good. And you know, "once in a while" could be once a year - just so long as it's the husband (or S.O.) who comes up with the plan, secures a sitter or whatever, and handles the details. Instead of just saying "Well, whatever *you* want to do... Just let me know what time..." But once a week sounds beyond fabulous! TNT is a lucky woman.

Posted by: Richmond at June 19, 2006 02:22 PM (e8QFP)

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From Robert Heinlein's "Time Enough For Love":

"Moving parts in rubbing contact require lubrication to avoid excessive wear. Honorifics and formal politeness provide lubrication where people rub together. Often the very young, the untraveled, the naive, the unsophisticated deplore these formalities as "empty," "meaningless," or "dishonest," and scorn to use them. No matter how "pure" their motives, they thereby throw sand into the machinery that does not work too well at best."

Posted by: Harvey at 06:12 AM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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Blogdaughter Michele of Letters From New York City asked me to spread the word:

Yamanner arrives in a Yahoo mailbox bearing the subject header "New Graphic Site." Once the message is opened, the computer becomes infected and the worm spreads itself to people on the Yahoo e-mail contact list. The harvested e-mail addresses are also sent to a remote online server, which Symantec suspects may use the information for spam campaigns.

FOR MORE INFORMATION PLEASE VISIT CNET NEWS!

"Before opening your email program/client/browser to check your email PLZ update your anti-virus software so that you can catch this worm. Please note, If you're a yahoo messenger or music subscriber it's also attempting to come in through the launch applications in those programs. Luckily I always update my anti-virus before opening up application. Although I've got the Yahoo email beta the worm tried coming in through my Yahoo Music Launch program.

If you're viewing this please make sure you update your anti-virus before surfing any longer, because if you get it, you'll definitely pass it ON to everyone in your address list.

So be a good friend/neighbor and clean yourself up before visiting."

Posted by: Harvey at 12:07 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Got this e-mail today:

Dear Harvey:

Greetings.

In the interest of exploring employment with your Web blog as a freelance copyeditor/proofreader, I am enclosing my corrections to four passages within your Web blog for your consideration.

As you can tell from my résumé within my Web site, I have 20 years’ experience as a proofreader and 5 years’ experience as a freelance copyeditor. I have a firm grasp of the American Medical Association, Associated Press, Bluebook, Chicago, Government Printing Office and Word Into Type style manuals and I know how to follow in-house style manuals.

I am diligent, incessant and implacable in my attention to detail. I am relentless in my fact-checking methodology, be it using reference materials or be it online using LEXIS/NEXIS, WESTLAW or the Internet, to ensure accuracy. I am undaunted by deadlines or last-minute addenda.

As a copyeditor/proofreader, it is my job to strengthen the fabric of society, held together by a common language, by not having mistakes or inaccuracies distract the readers' attention from the message that is being presented.

In closing, please accept my very best wishes for your Web blog's continued success and I hope to hear from you soon.

Sincerely,

Ivan Santana

--
"Bringing grammatical order to the Internet."(TM)

Attached were four Word documents, each bearing the name of one of four recent blog post titles.

The itch of curiosity was MADDENING - what passages could I have possibly screwed up in my Simpsons Trivia post?

However, I know that Word docs are notorious virus vectors, so this e-mail just got marked as spam & tossed.

Two suspicious items in this e-mail: "As you can tell from my résumé within my Web site" - and he doesn't include a link or a URL in the body of the e-mail.

Also "Web blog"? Even fanatical purists who refuse to use the word "blog" know that the formal term is "web log".

Anyway, I'm just concerned that this loser might target the Family (& friends), so I thought I'd mention it.

... positively MADDENING, I tell you!

Posted by: Harvey at 09:31 AM | Comments (14) | Add Comment
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1 Dearest Dad, Kudos to you for identifying this scam/spam/pseudo-phisher idiot. In not opening this piece of junk mail you have successfully kept me from being infected too. Thank you for listening to your instincts and for protecting every one in your address book. I know I truly appreciate it as I don't have the time to scrub my pc's clean.

Posted by: Michele at June 11, 2006 10:02 AM (UnM+d)

2 Thanks Pops. Good to know you're watchin' out for us. I figured it was spam as soon as he said he found "errors". Not on your site. ;-)

Posted by: Tammi at June 11, 2006 10:19 AM (pWX3U)

3 Dear old Dad - always watching out for us! *grin* If you really want to know what kind of virus or other nasty a word doc might be carrying - you could create a special folder for the docs and save them there. Then head over to trend micro and do a free scan on the directory - it would be quick and you could then rejoice in knowing exactly what kind of annoyance was sent your way. Or - if you're like me - you just junk it and wish you could retaliate in some effective way.

Posted by: Teresa at June 11, 2006 11:05 AM (jgXyO)

4 Huh... who'd have guessed? You really aren't as stupid as you look or write.

Posted by: That 1 Guy at June 11, 2006 11:21 AM (iHxT3)

5 Crap!! I thought for sure you'd fall for one of the oldest tricks in the book - knowing how fuckin goofy you are - but I guess I misunderestimated your stupidity. Next itme I'll come up with something totally new and unique. PS There were indeed errors, grammatical and spelling, in all those web blog posts!

Posted by: MAdfish Willie at June 11, 2006 05:45 PM (8V/TM)

6 MAdfish Wilie, Next "itme"? Boy, what a good copyeditor you are. (It's supposed to be two words, "copy editor." Don't mess with the Blue Squizzle. He knows his grammar for rizzle.)

Posted by: the blue square at June 11, 2006 08:26 PM (VJ9r1)

7 Madfish Willie... I should have expected to find you holding Ivan's leash. I recognized your foul stench when I was read that e-mail! :-P

Posted by: Harvey at June 11, 2006 10:04 PM (L7a63)

8 I dunno if it was spam. I keep getting messages from Tighthole Tina and her slutty cheerleader Are you saying that my friend Tina is lying? Shame on you!

Posted by: physics geek at June 12, 2006 12:10 PM (Xvrs7)

9 Wanna forward those? I think they're for me... :-)

Posted by: Harvey at June 12, 2006 12:45 PM (L7a63)

10 Hey.. B²... blow me! Maybe you don't know who I really am!?!

Posted by: Madfish Willie at June 12, 2006 09:01 PM (Itrdk)

11 Herbey, to you Tighthole Tina is like Crosstie Carrie... with your little cricket dick, you'd have to tie a crosstie across your ass so you don't fall in!

Posted by: Madfish Willie at June 12, 2006 09:05 PM (Itrdk)

12 B2 - Madfish Willie is my filthy bastard blogson. His verbal abuse is just his way of saying "hi". It's not trolling, it's male bonding. Seriously. But you're more than welcome to fuck with him if you want, as long as it's understood that it's play, and not personal.

Posted by: Harvey at June 12, 2006 10:11 PM (L7a63)

13 Erm, okay. I like playing! Doom on you, Madfish Willie! And I like the "B2" thing, lol.

Posted by: the blue square at June 13, 2006 05:21 PM (VJ9r1)

14 Such foul language! I think you meant "d**m" :-D

Posted by: Harvey at June 13, 2006 06:02 PM (L7a63)

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Jim of Parkway Rest Stop had some issues with an old lady and her checkbook in the checkout line.

As always, the wisdom of the Simpsons prevails:

Apu: Mrs. Simpson, the express line is the fastest line not always. That old man up front, he is starved for attention. He will talk the cashier's head off.

Abe: Ah, there's an interesting story behind this nickel. In 1957, I remember it was, I got up in the morning and made myself a piece of toast. I set the toaster to three -- medium brown.

Apu: Let's go to... that line.

Marge: But that's the longest.

Apu: Yes, but look: all pathetic single men. Only cash, no chitchat.

On another note, I've found that - at least at my local Wal-Mart - the checkout lane closest to the exit is usually shortest.

Why?

Because the racks of impulse items obscure your vision so that you can't easily tell if anyone's in line in a given lane. So most people will get into a relatively short line near the side that's closest to the middle of the store, rather than walk past all the lanes to see if there's a shorter one, because if they're wrong, then they'll have to go back, by which time their semi-short line may be longer.

Anyway, that point aside, the most important thing to remember is to NOT get behind people with checkbooks, because none of them know how to fill out a check correctly, or with any due speed, and they probably left their ID at home.

The second most important thing: don't get in line behind people with purses, because they may contain checkbooks.

The third most important thing is - again - don't get in line behind people with purses, because they have loose change at the bottom, and EVERY woman will spend a couple minutes rooting around in her purse looking for the exact coins to pay her total to the penny. Because, you see, she doesn't want to "bother" the clerk by making her break a dollar, even though the clerk has an entire drawer FULL of change expressly for that purpose.

Meanwhile, guys just hand the clerk a $20 and stuff the cash in their pocket without counting it.

So get in the line with the most guys.

Unless they have purses.

UPDATE: If you're a woman to whom the above does NOT apply, please wear a sign that says "I know how to use a checkbook" so that I know that it's safe to stand behind you in the checkout lane.

Posted by: Harvey at 06:17 AM | Comments (12) | Add Comment
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1 Um, Harv.... I use a checkbook. I am female. I carry a purse. BUT- I *always* have my check made out ahead of time, with the exception of the amount, of course. I *never* carry cash, or change (cuts back on the teenagers, "mom, do you have any.."etc.) My *purse* has a 'easy to get to' snap enclosure at the bottom/outside of it strictly for my checkbook/wallet. No fumbling. On the *rare* occasion I do not have the checkbook with me...I use my trusty friend, VISA- credit- no pin- quick to use. So...Nyah! :-P Foiled YOUR theory! (ducking and looking for the East River...)

Posted by: Rave at June 06, 2006 06:35 AM (Fir0Z)

2 Rave - Here's your sign :-)

Posted by: Harvey at June 06, 2006 06:43 AM (L7a63)

3 Ah, the awesomeness of the debit card! Take the money right out of my bank account please and nevermind that the ATM is the tool of the devil.

Posted by: shimauma at June 06, 2006 06:47 AM (oH+XM)

4 Thanks, pappy. I feel vindicated. When can I expect my sign to arrive?

Posted by: Rave at June 06, 2006 06:48 AM (Fir0Z)

5 me, I use the lawn and garden area. Almost always a free cashier there. Plus it's closest to sporting goods.

Posted by: og at June 06, 2006 08:09 AM (PVGJn)

6 It's relatively simple. Just find the line I am in, and get behind me. I am the one in the slowest lane. Always. Guaranteed.

Posted by: Miriam at June 06, 2006 08:53 AM (THveJ)

7 Og - Good point. A lot of stores have hidden checkouts like that.

Posted by: Harvey at June 06, 2006 09:18 AM (L7a63)

8 I always use a credit card, with the systems nowadays you can put your card in while stuff is being rung up and sign so when the cashier is done all they do is hand you your receipt. Faster than people with cash.

Posted by: Quality Weenie at June 06, 2006 10:32 AM (XG7jZ)

9 Credit card here too. No check books for me unless I'm paying bills. My purse has enough crap in it... crayons and stuff to keep kids entertained.

Posted by: Bou at June 06, 2006 11:18 AM (iHxT3)

10 I cheat. I use the self checkout lane Because no one else wants to deal with the damn things but I helped install them so there's not much the machine can do to me that I can't kick out of it till it works.

Posted by: BloodSpite at June 06, 2006 12:16 PM (ZTGJT)

11 What are these things you people are talking about? "Checkbooks? Cash?" I seem to remember hearing those words from my youth, but I cannot place them...

Posted by: Ogre at June 07, 2006 08:41 AM (/k+l4)

12 A solution I've resorted to myself on occasion :-)

Posted by: Harvey at June 08, 2006 06:57 AM (L7a63)

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YOUR EMERGENCY KIT

If you have to evacuate your house & not come back for a couple days, what should you take with you?

Kim Du Toit has an excellent pictoral essay (found via Physics Geek) which covers the basics.

I'm just going to list the text for the sake of having a handy printable checklist for quick reference. Packed in a large Hefty tub, he has:

Posted by: Harvey at 06:49 AM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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1 Wow. Now that's a hell of an idea... Thanks for pointing it out.

Posted by: Richmond at June 01, 2006 11:18 AM (e8QFP)

2 Is that the provision list for the next blog meet?

Posted by: Sticks at June 01, 2006 07:16 PM (RRPnj)

3 I don't see my iPod anywhere on that list.

Posted by: Sissy at June 01, 2006 07:29 PM (4Woqm)

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