Graumagus of Frizzen Sparks has risen from the dead and is back posting. His first offering is a rant about "potty parity" and the sleazy lawyer behind it all.

Which made me think of the best way for women to avoid pesky restroom lines:

* Stadium Gal - Discreet external catheter and leg-mounted storage bag.

But what if you want to pee in the woods without worrying about squatting in poison ivy? Or what if that public toilet seat is just too disgusting to sit on? Well, you just pee standing up:

* TravelMate - Handy, portable, washable, re-usable plastic tubular device which can be used for directing the urine stream. For a mere $5, you can be writing your name in the snow in no time.

* The Whiz - Same concept, fancier design. Sold by an Australian company for $20 AUD. Or - for $25 AUD - you can have the "Whiz Plus" with the "high tech plasma coating that repels all liquid so it always remains dry".

* Freshette - An "anatomically designed funnel with 6" retractable extension tube". Washable, reusable - $23.

* Magic Cone - Disposable cardboard funnel. Don't miss the Not Safe For Work animated instructional video, $17 bucks for 30 (three 10-packs).

* P-mate - Disposable, cardboard, square-cone-like device from a UK company. 5 for £2.50

* Whizzy - Pportable, foldable, disposable heavy-paper trough that lets you stand away from the toilet. About a buck a piece.

* My SweetPee - Another trough. Comes in paper (disposable - 10 for $12) or plastic (re-usable - $15).

Don't want to bother with a portable device?

* Manual labial adjustment, hip-aiming, constant pressure, and practice - It's a physical skill, and lots of women have mastered it. You can, too. Here's a NSFW picture of the process in action.

No more excuses ladies. It's time you took a stand.

Posted by: Harvey at 05:27 PM | Comments (14) | Add Comment
Post contains 336 words, total size 3 kb.

1 Lessee.... ummmm.... Well, no. No "peeing standing up" for me, thanks. I grew up in Wyoming -- whole lotta nothing in Wyo. (rest stop wise...) I have my technique down. I do however know that with a willing partner (that has a y chromosome) it is still possible to write your name in the snow. Just sayin'.

Posted by: Richmond at January 26, 2006 05:41 PM (e8QFP)

2 Wow. I just don't know what to say.

Posted by: Sarah at January 26, 2006 07:26 PM (+nTRJ)

3 You did a whole lot of research for us gals... but I do wonder what kind of google search hits you are going to get for this post. ;-)

Posted by: vw bug at January 26, 2006 07:40 PM (k+jIa)

4 hmmm...interesting....not likely to use any of it, but I appreciate the effort you put into it.

Posted by: ktreva at January 26, 2006 08:24 PM (e8b4J)

5 Good job researching, Harvey. How many dirty sites did you have to peruse in order to get info on these devices? Don't tell me you just skipped them...

Posted by: SeanS at January 26, 2006 08:53 PM (cEjQ0)

6 Nasty FREAK!

Posted by: Madfish Willie at January 26, 2006 09:37 PM (nVA0o)

7 Many many moons ago, the Pensacola airport thought they would put something called "She-inals" in the women's bathroom. We were to pee in a funnel... a disposable paper funnel inserted into the pee funnel for hygiene purposes if I recall. Probably like that Freshette. I was in my twenties at the time, more of a "hell Yeah! I'll try anything attitude", but when I read that in the paper I thought, "Yeah, I don't think so." I do not believe it was a success. I do believe the Pensacola airport has traditional toilets for women. We women do not like to stand to pee. That is for men. But... Richmond! LOL!!!

Posted by: Bou at January 26, 2006 10:44 PM (iHxT3)

8 I recall Piers Anthony mentioning something similar well before my blogging career started. He's over at Hipiers.com

Posted by: Andrew at January 27, 2006 12:47 AM (o+sy7)

9 I have to pee now.

Posted by: Ogre at January 27, 2006 06:12 AM (/k+l4)

10 Like Richmond I have my own technique for peeing while standing. I can even do it while drunk as that is when I learned to perfect it. Those lines at the Frat parties were really long so one learned to use the great outdoors to avoid the line.

Posted by: Machelle at January 27, 2006 06:32 AM (ZAyoW)

11 Yea... now I have mental images I didn't need. Thanks.

Posted by: Contagion at January 27, 2006 07:11 AM (Q5WxB)

12 Machelle - details? :-) SeanS - Having "standing up" in the Google search kept the top results amazingly clean and on-topic. VW - I'm actually hoping to be #1 for "pee standing up" with this one, someday :-)

Posted by: Harvey at January 27, 2006 09:56 AM (ubhj8)

13 The problem with women standing while peeing is that your exposing a whole lot of yourself while doing it, so you must be very familiar with the people your with because they are seeing a lot of you that they probably don't want to. It's almost the same stance as hoovering over public toliets.

Posted by: Machelle at January 27, 2006 12:26 PM (ZAyoW)

14 ohhhhhhhhh mannnnnnnnnnn good thing you didn't see my post on my new toilet seat.... gosh, you make me laugh. Cindy

Posted by: firstbrokenangel at February 02, 2006 02:55 PM (jHRvj)

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