King of the Blogs results are in, and it looks like Cyn's Sim is now the Queen of the Blogs.

Which means the blogosphere will soon be infested with girl-cooties.

The reviews are here, and, in addition to the fact that this week's contest was actually determined by the reader-poll results, you can also discover such things as:

Songstress7's cowbell fetish rudely breaking through the placid surface of her psyche.

Pietro committing hate speech against Blogger.

Psssst! Pietro! All Blogspot blogs now come with a Google search feature at the very top of the page.

Although AggPro's "black text on dark blue background" makes it easy to miss.

Oh, and the answer to your curiosity is "10".

Posted by: Harvey at 09:34 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 133 words, total size 1 kb.

One man sits on the throne, and a mixed double of challengers eye it hungrily.

Could this finally be the week when a warrior hottie claims SOLE possession of The Big Chair?

Let's find out.

If you are crowned King, what King from history or popular culture would you emulate and why?

Warren of View From The Pew
GOOD POINTS: Suave segue neatly disguises the fact that this is a mandatory assignment and NOT a typical, voluntary post. Future competitors should learn from the master and avoid bland, factual introductions. MAKE UP ANOTHER REASON FOR YOUR POST. It's much more entertaining that way.
BAD POINTS: "immitate his reign"... "surrounds himelf"... "ANd this way"... didn't I warn you about stealing other people's typo schtick last week? You keep this up, and I'll be forced to vote on considering discussing a resolution - and maybe even eventually PASSING it!
SCORE: 5

T.A.P of The Aggressive Progressive
GOOD POINTS: Great off-the-wall angle on the King question. Bonus for pushing my nostalgia button by mentioning Quisp.
BAD POINTS: The Pat Robertson reference seemed a little forced & awkward. Probably could've been improved by referencing an intolerant bigot who held ACTUAL political power. Hitler, Stalin, or even the Pope maybe.
SCORE: 4

Cyn of Cyn's Sim
GOOD POINTS: Not one, but TWO pictures of big-eyed, long-haired brunettes. Either she's been reading my blog, or she's a lucky guesser. Either way - BONUS! Other great things - the mental image of the Blog War Dance just made me giggle; I liked the over-the-edge choice of RuPaul for "Queen"; finally, she gives explicit credit to BOTH of her image sources. VERY classy.
BAD POINTS: None visible
SCORE: 5

View From The Pew
GOOD POINTS: Extremely well-constructed piece on how Christians ought to be taking their message to those who need it most, whether they want to or not. I enjoyed how the tagline was woven throughout the essay to give it unity.
BAD POINTS: Perpetuates unfair stereotypes against Samarians as smelly sinners. VERY insensitive.
SCORE: 5

The Aggressive Progressive
GOOD POINTS: One of the most self-absorbed posts I've ever read - ME! ME! ME! Narcissism is a necessary trait in an effective monarch, so bonus on that.
BAD POINTS: Squanders bonus by failing to give link to the post he's complaining about. If you don't want to drive traffic to someone you don't like that's fine, but in that case, at least have the courtesy to quote the post extensively so that your readers know what you're talking about. A Fisking may have been more appropriate here.
SCORE: 3.5

Cyn's Sim
GOOD POINTS: The phrase "from the dirty but not stinky pile" just rocks. Also cool is the fact that - even wearing her dirty-but-not-stinkies, and having a head full of sleep and/or oil, she STILL can't look as skank as Britney.
BAD POINTS: She made me look at skanky ol' Britney. I'm sending her the bill for my retinal reconstructive surgery.
SCORE: 5

Here are some technical things I like to see on a blog:

King of the Blogs javascript thingy in the sidebar
Comments enabled
Permalinks working
E-mail contact info available
Blogger's name/pseudonym prominently displayed
Site search feature enabled
Link to an "About Me" post on the sidebar
Blogger's gender is easily discernable
Blogroll
Readable font style & size
Readable color scheme (for example, NOT bright red type on bright green
background)
Divisions between posts clearly marked
Paragraphing in entries (NOT just writing one fat block of text)

Aside from the tech stuff, I also like to see a blogger's personality shining through, to
remind us of the person behind the words.

With that in mind...

View From The Pew:
GOOD POINTS: Nothing but. All his techs are in order, plus he actually took my corrective advice from last week. Color me flattered.
BAD POINTS: One more suggestion, but I won't subtract for it. The link to the "About Me" post should probably go right above the contact e-mail address. Currently, it's right under the Creative Commons License stuff. The CCL is one of those things that just shouts "IGNORE ME!", and it's zone of invisibility may tend to obscure the "About Me" link with it's psychological halo.

SCORE: 5

The Aggressive Progressive:
GOOD POINTS: Excellent non-annoying use of the color yellow in the sidebar - normally to be avoided at all costs, but T.A.P. makes it work. I also really like this template's use of thin lines to keep the title, post body, and footer-information separated. Easy on the eyes, easy to use.

BAD POINTS: A little skimpy with the contact info - this is nominally a group blog, yet only one of the listed authors has a contact e-mail in their profile. I guess it's a good thing that T.A.P. is pretty much the only one posting. Another irritation is that gender is not obvious with either T.A.P. or The Almighty. I'm a little uncomfortable writing about a blogger if I don't know which pronoun to use. I'm going with "male" though, because "mike" is part of T.A.P's e-mail address.

SCORE: 3.5

Cyn's Sim
GOOD POINTS: Technically flawless. She's got everything I like to see in a blog. Bonus for the quite fetching picture of herself displayed prominently above the fold. Bonus bonus for the KotB haiku. Other bonus for having blogged since pre-9/11. Talk about longevity! WOW! I hope *I* live that long!

BAD POINTS: Just a few minor things that raised an eyebrow. First... what is Cyn short for? Cynamyn? Cynara? Cyndee? Cyndi? Cyndy? Cyneria? Cynethia? Cynithia? Cynna? Cynth? Cynthea? Cynthia? Cynthiana? Cynthiann? Cynthie? Cynthria? Cynthy? Cynthya? Cyntreia?
...just curious.

Second, Cyn's blogroll is listed by the blogger's first name instead of the blog's name. There's nothing inherently wrong with that - her blog, her call - and it's functional if you're just surfing off it. However, Cyn, you might consider that your blogroll also serves as advertising for the people on it, and listing their blog names is more likely to get them random surfer traffic than listing their real names. Just something to think about.

Finally, the post title font is the same size as the post text font. For asthetic purposes, you might consider making the title font a few points larger to give it a little more emphasis - more of a "headline" feel.

SCORE: 4.5

View From The Pew: 15
The Aggressive Progressive: 11
Cyn's Sim: 14.5

Posted by: Harvey at 04:26 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 1100 words, total size 7 kb.

In a brutally lopsided victory, View From The Pew kicked the crap out of his competitors by 8.5 and 11.5 points, respectively, resulting in 2 fewer empty cells in the Royal Dungeon.

Be sure to check the reviews so you don't miss such goodies as:

Pietro of Smarter Cop apparently only uses a diminutive, non-lead-filled nightstick for subduing serial misspellers, although he threatens to whip out "Big Jim" for a second offense.

Songstress7 of News From The Great Beyond mocks a contestant's small... um... creative ability... as it were.

and yes, once again folks, the importance of an "About Me" post can NOT be overstressed.

In other KotB news, this week's pair of pretenders has been selected.

Also, Nick has posted a 5-question interview with yours truly. Go forth, and be amused.

Don't forget you can actually gamble on the KotB tourney and win a free blog-ad at Patriot Paradox. See the top of the KotB page for details.

I'm trying to talk Nick into having the losers of the Pick 'Em drawn & quartered, but he's currently being pretty mule-headed about the whole thing. Maybe you should play while it's still safe.

Posted by: Harvey at 08:39 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 205 words, total size 2 kb.

So we've got these three guys who think they have what it takes to be King of the Blogs.

And this is me telling two of them they're more full of crap than Michael Moore is full of Twinkies.

If you were to become king over another planet what 3 laws would you pass, what ridiculous thing would you make your subjects do to humor you, and what would your title be?

Steve of I Hate My Cubicle!!!
GOOD POINTS: Manages to legitimately work an obscenity into his answer, thus confounding Nick's request for wholesomeness. A good monarch knows how to thumb his nose at those claiming some right of "authority". Fight the power!
BAD POINTS: When asked for 3 laws, gives 6. Maybe Steve should be applying for a position with the Federal Government.
SCORE: 3

Owen of Illogicology
GOOD POINTS: Has two typos in his post. A good monarch knows when to break with trite conventions, and as King, a word is spelled the way you DECREE that it's spelled, and Mme. Guillotine awaits non-conformists. Also, bonus for mocking AOL.
BAD POINTS: Makes known his passion for Star Trek TOS, yet COMPLETELY blows the chance to use the line: "A question... Since before your sun burned hot in space, and before your race was born, I have awaited a question." Damned slipshod of you, your Royal Sarcasticness.
SCORE: 3.5

Warren of View From The Pew
GOOD POINTS: Weaves all three answers seamlessly into a single coherant post, thus avoiding the drab drollery of step-by-step listing. Bonus for providing explanatory linkage on the more obscure terms like "Brockian Ultra-Cricket".
BAD POINTS: AAAAAAH! Hacker-speak! "j00 R0><0r5" *shudder*
SCORE: 5

I Hate My Cubicle!!!
GOOD POINTS: Truly makes the reader feel his pain as he recounts a recent customer service disaster with Fry's Electronics.
BAD POINTS: Language, Mister! There's a PG-13 requirement on submitted posts. Although colorful metaphors don't bother this old sailor personally, you have to THINK OF THE CHILDREN^TM
SCORE: 3

Illogicology
GOOD POINTS: Continues blithely on with typo theme while making me hungry with his delicious bagel recipe. Owen should consider submitting this to the Carnival of the Recipes, if for no other reason than yonder round-up could use a little comic relief.
BAD POINTS: Fails to explain the difference between a bread knife and a butter knife for uncouth slobs like myself who think that a spoon handle makes a servicable substitute for either.
SCORE: 3.5

View From The Pew
GOOD POINTS: Makes a credible analogy between theology and software. Even being religiously "none-of-the-above" as I am, I found the piece intriguing.
BAD POINTS: Those "patches" he mentioned would've been more understandable to me if he'd given links to examples. I had no idea if he was referring to actual creeds, or just groin-kicking straw men. Also, he plagiarizes Owen's "typo" schtick with this line: "Go is waiting for YOU to act..." without crediting his source. BAD Owen!
SCORE: 4.5

Here are some technical things I like to see on a blog:

King of the Blogs javascript thingy in the sidebar
Comments enabled
Permalinks working
E-mail contact info available
Blogger's name/pseudonym prominently displayed
Site search feature enabled
Link to an "About Me" post on the sidebar
Blogger's gender is easily discernable
Blogroll
Readable font style & size
Readable color scheme (for example, NOT bright red type on bright green
background)
Divisions between posts clearly marked
Paragraphing in entries (NOT just writing one fat block of text)

Aside from the tech stuff, I also like to see a blogger's personality shining through, to
remind us of the person behind the words.

With that in mind...

I Hate My Cubicle!!!
No KotB javascript thingy. That's BAD. Come on Steve... you're Paris Hiltoning yourself out to every blog-pimping organization known to man, yet you won't give this contest a little back-alley quickie in your sidebar? I feel snubbed, so I'm snubbing back on the score, which by rights should be 0.

However, I *do* enjoy the fact that Steve has a "work-safe" version of his blog available. That's a right handy feature, so I'm giving a consolation point. Don't get me wrong Steve, it's a great site, and I'm blogrolling it because I like scantily-clad women, but you're just not a good fit for KotB.

SCORE: 1

Illogicology
Very welcoming. Owen's got his picture and profile right up near the top of the sidebar. A more detailed "About Me" post would be a nice touch, but I won't ding him for that.

Owen's big problem is the complete lack of a blogroll. Indeed, a complete lack of linkage in any post. Seems the young man has problems with html and needs to Google up a basic tutorial somewhere.

Meanwhile, Owen, look in your template for this line:

!-- Begin #sidebar --

and post links to your favorite blogs under it like this (substitute < and > for [ and ]):

[A HREF="http://badexample.mu.nu/"]Bad Example[/A]

Now, even though Owen's blog isn't particularly attractive or fancy, I give him personality points for a couple things...

First, he spent some extra time blogging about KotB (here and here, for example) and the display of enthusiasm is wonderful.

Second, he's capable of some stunning writing - like this poem.

I don't think he's quite ready to grab the KotB crown yet, but I see a LOT of potential in this young blogger. After he learns a bit of code & spruces things up a bit, I'd like to see him try again, assuming he doesn't win this time.

Two parting gifts for Owen:

1 - Haloscan will auto-install their far-better-than-native-Blogger comments AND trackback features, as I explain here.

2 - Some tips on getting more attention to your blog, which I think you deserve.

SCORE: 3

View From The Pew
The Bible-search feature is pretty spiffy, and more or less makes up for the lack of an "About Me" post. Warren should really consider one so his readers can get to know him a little better. He seems worth knowing. Outside of that, the only real complaint I have is that the permalink at the bottom of each post is a little too close to the title of the next post. He might consider either adding some white space under the permalink link, or perhaps slipping in a horizontal line to make the division clearer.

I'd also recommend putting the comment & trackback links at the BOTTOM of each post, because that's where your reader is going to be when he finishes the entry, so you want to have those links ON THE SCREEN when he's ready to talk back to you. More convenience equals more comments.

SCORE: 4.5

I Hate My Cubicle!!!: 7
Illogicology: 10
View From The Pew: 14

Posted by: Harvey at 03:18 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 1143 words, total size 8 kb.

The King of the Blogs tournament is underway.

Amongst their assignmenterry are such diverse challenges as:

If you were to become king over another planet what 3 laws would you pass, what ridiculous thing would you make your subjects do to humor you, and what would your title be?

As for you, dear Bad Example reader, you may participate by:

1) Pinging the above-linked post by tracking back from a post of your own that declares support for one of the contestants. Even if you don't have trackback enabled on your blog, you can use the Wizbang Standalone Trackback Pinger.

2) Putting in your predictions for winner - you can win a free blog ad at Patriot Paradox - look for the screaming headline on the KotB main page.

3) Voting in the KotB poll that appears on the KotB main page left sidebar.

4) Sending me pictures of naked women in compromising positions.

Actually, #4 would be an available option whether KotB was running or not.

Anyway, get clickin' & participatin'.

Posted by: Harvey at 06:59 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 180 words, total size 1 kb.

Nick of Patriot Paradox has the rules for the King of the Blogs Tournament posted, so you can see for yourselves what sort of insanity I'll be letting myself in for.

Meanwhile, remember that, despite his good works, Nick is my sworn enemy in the Wizbang 2004 Weblog Awards under the category of "Best of the Top 100 - 250 Blogs". At least until December 12.

Please help me smite this cur by charging forth and voting for me.

SMITE! SMITE! SMITE!

Posted by: Harvey at 11:22 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
Post contains 96 words, total size 1 kb.